Struggling with Emotional Control: Intense Reactions in Relationships - Psychiatry

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Inability to control emotions?


I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over six months, and we argue every day.
During each argument, she speaks to me in a very hurtful manner.
Recently, whenever we fight, I find myself crying uncontrollably, and I can't stop myself from crying.
As I continue to cry, I experience numbness in my hands and feet, my mind goes blank, and I collapse to the ground.
When I try to speak, I end up shouting, and in addition to the mental blankness, I also feel some pain.
I completely lose control of myself, almost as if I'm going crazy, and it isn't until my emotions stabilize that I can stop crying, and the numbness in my hands and feet gradually subsides.

Weng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/10/15

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: When a person is angry, they often speak without thinking, and sometimes it is not their true intention.
After calming down, it is advisable to communicate and clarify.
When someone is experiencing depression, anxiety, or high stress, their tolerance for frustration may decrease, making it difficult to cope with setbacks.
If you find yourself crying to the point of experiencing numbness in your body, it may be due to hyperventilation causing muscle stiffness.
It is recommended to slow down your breathing to help stabilize yourself.
If you are unable to regain control, it is advisable to visit an outpatient clinic to discuss possible intervention methods with a physician.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2015/10/15

More Info


Struggling with emotional control in relationships can be a complex and challenging experience, particularly when intense reactions such as crying, numbness, and feelings of being overwhelmed occur. Your description of the emotional turmoil during arguments with your girlfriend suggests that you may be experiencing heightened emotional responses, which can be influenced by various factors, including stress, anxiety, and possibly underlying mental health issues.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that emotional responses are often tied to our psychological state. When conflicts arise, especially in close relationships, it can trigger a fight-or-flight response, leading to intense feelings of anxiety or distress. This response can manifest physically, as you described with symptoms like numbness in your limbs and a sense of mental fog. These physical symptoms can be alarming and may indicate that your body is reacting to stress in a significant way.

Crying is a natural emotional release, but when it becomes uncontrollable, it may signal that you are experiencing emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation can occur in individuals who have experienced trauma, chronic stress, or anxiety disorders. It can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, making it difficult to manage emotions effectively during conflicts. The fact that you feel a sense of pain and numbness suggests that your body is under significant stress, which can be exacerbated by the ongoing arguments with your girlfriend.

To address these intense emotional reactions, consider the following strategies:
1. Self-awareness: Recognizing your emotional triggers is the first step. Pay attention to what specific situations or comments lead to these intense reactions. Keeping a journal can help you track your feelings and identify patterns.

2. Communication: Openly discussing your feelings with your girlfriend outside of conflict situations can help both of you understand each other better. Expressing how her words affect you may foster empathy and reduce the likelihood of future conflicts escalating.

3. Coping mechanisms: Developing healthy coping strategies is crucial. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, or grounding exercises can help you regain control during emotional upheavals. Practicing these techniques regularly can improve your emotional resilience over time.

4. Professional support: If these emotional reactions persist or worsen, seeking help from a mental health professional can be beneficial. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage your emotions more effectively and explore any underlying issues contributing to your distress.

5. Stress management: Engaging in regular physical activity, maintaining a balanced diet, and ensuring adequate sleep can significantly impact your emotional well-being. Stress management techniques such as yoga or tai chi can also be helpful.

6. Setting boundaries: If arguments become too intense, it may be necessary to take a break and revisit the conversation later when both of you are calmer. Establishing boundaries around how you communicate during conflicts can prevent escalation.

7. Understanding emotional responses: Educating yourself about emotional responses and the physiological effects of stress can empower you to manage your reactions better. Understanding that your body is reacting to stress can help you separate your emotional experience from the situation at hand.

In conclusion, struggling with emotional control during conflicts is a common experience, but it can be managed with the right strategies and support. By fostering self-awareness, improving communication, and seeking professional help if needed, you can work towards a healthier emotional response in your relationship. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and taking steps to understand and manage your emotions is a sign of strength.

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