Navigating Mental Health, Relationships, and Sexuality Challenges

Q: Navigating Mental Health, Relationships, and Sexuality Challenges

Hello： Issues related to career and relationships can inevitably cause anxiety and distress, and it seems that this has been ongoing for some time. <br>Here are a few suggestions： 1. <br>Seek out friends with whom you can share your troubles (providing an outlet for emotional exp

Regarding career and gender issues?

Hello, doctor.
I haven't taken medication for my psychiatric condition (I have obsessive-compulsive disorder) for over a year.
My mother insists that I should take it, but I absolutely refuse.
I don't understand why I have such difficulties with sexuality; I can hardly accept premarital sex unless the other person explains the reasons, which seems quite difficult.
Men rarely explain the reasons for engaging in sexual relations; they often just say it's an impulse (a physiological reaction), which makes me feel like women are just sexual toys for men.
This has been on my mind for a long time.
When someone has sexual relations with you while you're asleep, does the person who is completely asleep have any awareness? I'm very worried that I could be assaulted without even knowing it.

During a certain Dragon Boat Festival in my master's program, I worked part-time and stayed at my boss's house because it was a bit far.
The next day, I slept at a hotel with my boss's girlfriend.
At that time, I didn't think much of it because a guy told me I looked very safe.
I've never been in a relationship or pursued by anyone, so I felt quite at ease.
However, after finishing work, I became very anxious about whether I had been assaulted.
I asked my boss and his girlfriend, but there was no follow-up.
Additionally, when I sleep at home, I worry about whether my dad or brother might assault me.
I haven't asked, but I do think about it (I used to ask).

I strongly resist taking medication because these drugs can affect fertility.
I really love children and want to have them, so these medications feel like poison to me.
Therefore, I cannot understand why so many women engage in premarital sex.
I can only substitute emotional connections with masturbation, and when I'm feeling down or stressed, I tend to masturbate more often.
I find it easy to masturbate; just seeing something sexual motivates me.

I've considered not pursuing relationships because I cannot accept men who have had premarital sex.
I feel that those men treat women merely as sexual toys for their pleasure.
Moreover, men tend to focus on appearance.
I actually think that couples should avoid kissing and hugging unless they are certain they won't break up.
However, I still feel admiration for the men I like.
Recently, I talked with my senior about his ex-girlfriend, and I really wanted to ask about their relationship, but I was afraid to.
If I ask, I fear I will get hurt and be disappointed in him.
He is the only male friend I have in my master's program, and I don't want to jeopardize that friendship.
He also told me the type of person he likes, which is completely incompatible with me, so how can I stop liking him?
Since my master's program is in a different field from my undergraduate studies, I have no friends in my current program, making it very challenging.
However, I still want to graduate, so I will persevere, even though the pressure is immense.
I once had a crush on someone who, although he had a girlfriend, was very upright; we never kissed or had relations, but he cut off contact with me, and I still think about him (I knew him for over five months).

Another issue is that I feel very troubled about my future.
I want to continue to a PhD program, but I can't get a recommendation letter.
Since I have taken educational courses, I believe it will help with my salary in the future.
Additionally, those who, like me, have adopted the culinary program have not only adopted one teaching position; I also want to take on a second one, but I must graduate from my master's first, as I can only study for four years, and I am already in my third year.
Whether I take on a new teaching position or pursue a PhD, it all requires money.
My family hopes I will become financially independent soon because I am currently funding my master's with student loans.
Initially, my parents did not want me to pursue a master's degree, but I really wanted to, so I had to resort to this method.
I have been upset about this for a long time.
I think if I had studied the same field for both my undergraduate and master's degrees, I might have been able to continue to a PhD.
Another thought I have is to not pursue a PhD and instead go abroad as an exchange student in the second semester of my senior year, but that is also difficult and time is tight since I haven't obtained language certification.
Honestly, I am very troubled, but there is no one in my master's program to confide in.

Ni, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/10/22

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello: Issues related to career and relationships can inevitably cause anxiety and distress, and it seems that this has been ongoing for some time.
Here are a few suggestions: 1.
Seek out friends with whom you can share your troubles (providing an outlet for emotional expression).
2.
If you don't have such a friend at the moment, consider consulting the local "Teacher Zhang Hotline" for assistance from professional counseling experts.
3.
Sometimes, medical assistance is truly necessary.
I hope you can return for follow-up visits and communicate with your physician (including questions about whether medications may interfere with pregnancy), and cooperate with treatment to help resolve your concerns as soon as possible.
Thank you!

Reply Date: 2015/10/22

More Info

Navigating the complexities of mental health, relationships, and sexuality can be incredibly challenging, especially when compounded by personal experiences and societal expectations. Your concerns reflect a deep-seated struggle with anxiety, self-identity, and the pressures of societal norms regarding relationships and sexuality.
Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings about medication and mental health. Discontinuing medication for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can lead to a resurgence of symptoms, and it’s understandable that you have reservations about returning to medication, especially with concerns about fertility. However, it’s crucial to have an open dialogue with a mental health professional about your fears and the potential impact of medication on your future family plans. There are various treatment options available, including different medications that may have less impact on fertility, as well as therapy options that can help you manage your symptoms without medication.
Your feelings about sex and relationships are also significant. It’s clear that you have strong beliefs about premarital sex and the dynamics of gender roles in relationships. It’s essential to recognize that everyone has different values and beliefs regarding intimacy, and it’s okay to hold your own. However, it’s also important to engage in conversations about these topics with potential partners to ensure mutual understanding and respect. Communication is key in any relationship, and discussing boundaries and expectations can help alleviate some of your anxieties.

Your concerns about consent and safety are valid and reflect a broader societal issue regarding sexual violence and the importance of consent. It’s understandable to worry about being taken advantage of, especially in vulnerable situations. Educating yourself about consent and establishing personal boundaries can empower you to feel safer in social situations. It might also be beneficial to seek out self-defense classes or workshops that focus on personal safety, which can help build your confidence.

The feelings of isolation you experience in your academic environment can exacerbate your mental health struggles. It’s important to seek support, whether through friends, family, or counseling services available at your institution. Finding a trusted confidant or therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and work through your challenges. Many universities offer counseling services that can help students navigate academic pressures and personal issues.

Regarding your feelings toward your classmate, it’s natural to develop crushes, especially when you feel a connection. However, it’s essential to recognize that not all feelings need to be acted upon. Focusing on your academic goals and personal growth can help redirect your energy. Engaging in activities that you enjoy or exploring new interests can also help you build a broader social network and reduce feelings of isolation.

Lastly, your aspirations for further education and career advancement are commendable. It’s understandable to feel pressure regarding financial independence and academic success. Consider reaching out to academic advisors or mentors who can provide guidance on navigating your educational path and securing recommendations for doctoral programs. Networking with professors and peers in your field can also open doors for future opportunities.

In summary, it’s crucial to prioritize your mental health and seek professional support to address your concerns about OCD, relationships, and personal safety. Open communication with potential partners about your values and boundaries can foster healthier relationships. Additionally, building a support network within your academic environment can alleviate feelings of isolation and help you navigate your educational journey. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are resources available to help you through these challenges.

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