Overcoming Anxiety: How to Trust Your Judgment and Live in the Moment

How to assess situations and live in the present moment?

Hello Dr.
Ding, I apologize for bothering you.
Although I have previously asked other doctors about this issue, I still have some extended questions, and since I have mostly consulted you in the past, I would like to discuss it with you again.
I hope it doesn't cause you any trouble.
(I apologize for the lengthy content.)
Here is the content of my previous inquiry: "Recently, there have been some things that have been troubling me.
Although I rationally feel that I might be overthinking, I still worry a lot.
About two to three weeks ago, I had tea with a male colleague in the dormitory at night, and afterward, I walked back to my room, took a shower, and went to bed without feeling anything unusual.
However, I am concerned because dormitory staff have spare keys to enter students' rooms, and I worry about the possibility of being drugged.
I fear that something could happen while I am asleep, and I might not remember it at all.
Since I didn't notice anything unusual at the time, I didn't think anything could happen.
It seems absurd to think that I could be completely unaware of such a situation.
I also recalled two previous experiences where I felt nauseous and fell asleep after drinking alcohol—once at a bar with friends (both male and female), and I was woken up shortly after and walked back to the hostel; the other time was at a female friend's house, where I slept for about two hours and woke up feeling quite clear-headed.
However, since that friend has a somewhat androgynous appearance and we weren't very close, I can't help but suspect the possibility of being drugged or even assaulted (I even wondered if I could have been injected with something).
When I mentioned these concerns to some friends, they thought I was overthinking and had a vivid imagination, and that I shouldn't worry.
They also pointed out that since I haven't had sexual intercourse, if anything had happened, I would definitely know (but I did worry that if it were a female, I might not feel anything in the situation at my friend's house).
They thought it was exaggerated to suspect that a friend could be an assailant, but I don't know if I'm forcing myself to think this way or what, and I just can't let it go.
The main point is that I am very afraid of contracting HIV, even though I realize I'm thinking too far ahead! (I have always been afraid of death and illness.) Some friends suggested that if I am really that scared, I should get tested (even though they all think I'm overreacting), but since I am abroad (and all the aforementioned incidents happened abroad), I really don't want to.
On one hand, I feel resistant to the idea of getting tested because it seems crazy to me to do so under these circumstances.
I would like to ask the doctor what I should do and whether my imagination is unreasonable.
How can I trust my rationality? Although I have always known that I tend to overthink, I have usually been able to let things go, but this situation has been bothering me for a long time (about two weeks).
Perhaps it's because thinking about HIV feels very serious (but I really don't want to get tested).
I am genuinely afraid of death and being unloved, which is affecting my life and preventing me from focusing on important matters.
I know I'm overthinking, but I can't let it go, and it's really frustrating.
I want to return to a normal life as soon as possible, and I hope the doctor can help." (End of the inquiry)
At that time, the doctor said it was likely just my inner worries, and if there were no physical or environmental abnormalities, I should focus on the present and live in the moment.
Later, I had a dream one night where I heard someone opening the dormitory door, but in the dream, I only heard the sound of the door opening without seeing anyone walk in.
I couldn't help but wonder if it was not a dream and that I was actually unaware of it, associating it with the dormitory staff possibly drugging my drink while I was out of the room and then coming in while I was asleep.
When I told my friends, they all thought it was definitely a dream and that I was overthinking, imagining myself in a movie.
I also feel that I might have a vivid imagination because there were one or two instances where I felt that the dormitory staff treated me well, and Westerners tend to be more expressive with their body language (like hugging or kissing), which sometimes makes it hard to tell if it's friendly or has other meanings.
However, my friends believe that since I didn't feel anything physically, there is nothing to worry about, and they all say that if anything had happened, I would definitely know.
I wonder if I am just overthinking again? In this regard, I really hope I can have the same mindset as others and trust my rational thoughts, but I just can't seem to do it, and I constantly worry that my fears might be real.
I even feel like I can no longer judge what is reasonable.
Rationally, I know that what others say is correct, but I can't fully believe it.
How can I rely on myself to judge situations and trust that my judgment is correct?
Additionally, although I have always known that focusing on the present and redirecting my attention is important, I still find myself worrying about what if my fears are true—what if I contracted HIV? What if I end up unloved, unable to marry or have children, or even die? Then I feel like everything I do now is pointless, and I can't live in the moment.
Of course, I know that all of this seems to be thinking too far ahead, and I really don't like constantly worrying about things that others wouldn't usually think about.
Watching others move forward while I am troubled by what seems like absurd concerns is quite frustrating.
What should I do to truly live in the moment? Thank you, Dr.
Ding, for your response.

Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/02/17

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, I am not aware of your situation.
There may still be room for rational cognitive behavioral therapy.
If so, it might be worth considering again.
Life is unpredictable, and there are countless possibilities that can harm us.
For example, car accidents can happen while driving, and encountering a criminal can occur while walking on the street instead of being safely locked in your room.
We do not need to confirm that everything is completely safe and that none of our worries will ever come true in order to live our lives.
Everyone has their concerns—worries about unemployment, illness, a partner's fidelity, or failing an exam.
Most people let these thoughts pass quickly without dwelling on them, allowing other thoughts to take their place or distracting themselves with other activities.
Sometimes, leaving certain issues unaddressed is the best way to handle them, especially those that have not yet occurred.

Concerns about being violated or contracting HIV stem from the fact that these worries are present in your daily life context, and the triggers are reminders you encounter every day, making them harder to forget.
However, I still recommend that when these thoughts arise again, you acknowledge them but do not follow them further.
There is no need to confront them; instead, gently redirect your attention to something else.
If possible, get up and engage in another activity.
If you are in class or lying in bed trying to sleep, shift your focus to diaphragmatic breathing.
Even if you can only redirect your attention for one or two seconds at first, it can help interrupt the vicious cycle of compulsive thinking.
With practice, you will become more familiar with this technique.
In my experience, as long as you practice daily, you will feel progress each day, and your ability to live in the moment will improve.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/02/17

More Info

Dear [Name],
Thank you for reaching out with your concerns. It’s clear that you are experiencing significant anxiety and intrusive thoughts that are affecting your daily life. Your feelings of worry, especially regarding your safety and health, are valid, but it’s important to recognize when these thoughts may be disproportionate to the actual risks involved.

From what you’ve described, it seems that your anxiety is manifesting in a few key areas: fear of being harmed or drugged, concerns about potential health issues, and a general sense of distrust in your surroundings. These feelings can be overwhelming, but there are strategies you can employ to help manage and overcome them.

Understanding Your Anxiety
Firstly, it’s essential to understand that anxiety often leads to a cycle of negative thinking. When you worry about a specific situation, your mind may create worst-case scenarios that can feel very real, even if they are unlikely. This is a common experience for many people, especially those who tend to be more sensitive or imaginative. The fact that you are aware of this tendency is a positive step towards managing it.

Trusting Your Judgment
To begin trusting your judgment again, consider the following strategies:
1. Reality Testing: When you find yourself spiraling into anxious thoughts, take a moment to assess the situation logically. Ask yourself questions like, "What evidence do I have that supports this fear?" and "What evidence contradicts it?" This practice can help ground you in reality and reduce the intensity of your fears.

2. Mindfulness and Living in the Moment: Practicing mindfulness can be incredibly beneficial. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or simply observing your surroundings can help you stay anchored in the now, rather than getting lost in anxious thoughts about the future.

3. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain situations or conversations exacerbate your anxiety, it may be helpful to limit your exposure to them. For instance, if discussing health issues with friends leads to increased worry, consider steering conversations towards lighter topics.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your anxiety. It can also help you track patterns in your thinking and identify triggers. Over time, you may notice that many of your fears are unfounded.

5. Seek Professional Help: If your anxiety continues to interfere with your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and help you work through your fears in a safe environment.

Addressing Health Concerns
Regarding your specific fears about health, such as contracting HIV, it’s important to remember that anxiety can often exaggerate perceived risks. If you have concerns about your health, consider scheduling a check-up with a healthcare provider. Knowing your status can alleviate some of the anxiety surrounding it. Remember, seeking medical advice is a proactive step and does not indicate that you are "crazy" or overly anxious; it’s a responsible action.

Building a Support System
Lastly, lean on your support system. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members who can provide reassurance and perspective. Sometimes, just talking about your worries can help diminish their power.

Conclusion
In summary, overcoming anxiety and learning to trust your judgment takes time and practice. By employing strategies such as reality testing, mindfulness, and seeking professional help, you can begin to manage your anxiety more effectively. Remember, it’s okay to seek support and take steps towards understanding and alleviating your fears. You are not alone in this journey, and with time, you can find a way to live more fully in the present.

Take care, and I wish you the best on your path to healing.

Sincerely,
Doctor Q&A Teams

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