How to Handle Unusual Behavior from a New Friend: A Guide

I noticed that a newly acquainted friend is exhibiting unusual behavior..?

Hello Doctor, I recently met a female friend who is a few years older than me at a place I frequently visit.
We discovered that we have many common backgrounds, and she seemed very enthusiastic.
After a few casual chats, we exchanged contact information.
However, I soon noticed that her behavior patterns seemed unusual.
I receive a large number of messages from her daily, ranging from four or five to even dozens.
The content includes sharing various internet memes, jokes, quotes, and greetings like "good morning" and "good night." Additionally, she often shares extensive details about her work-related issues, particularly about colleagues or superiors who have bullied her, providing intricate details about the individuals or events, even though I have no knowledge or connection to them.
For instance, she uses industry-specific jargon that I don't understand and provides detailed information about someone named Wang Daming, their position as a manager, where they previously worked, their educational background, their spouse's name, and even what they had for dinner on a specific date and time.
If she thinks she made a mistake, she will send another message to correct it.
Moreover, she is very eager to invite me out for meals, movies, library visits, or even to attend her university family gatherings or her company's employee events, where I have no mutual acquaintances.
Not only does she invite me daily, but sometimes multiple times a day, and she studies my Facebook posts and photos, constantly asking me various questions, even about content from several years ago.
After realizing something was off, I tried to give her the cold shoulder by reading her messages without responding, but she continued her behavior, even calling me directly when I didn't reply, which added to my distress.
When we meet again at our usual place, she talks incessantly without any signs of restraint.
Initially, I thought her excessive enthusiasm might indicate romantic interest, but I increasingly suspect she may have some psychological, behavioral, or social challenges.
However, she seems completely unaware of her condition, and I feel limited in my ability to provide her with further assistance.
My hope now is to safely extricate myself from this relationship and to know if there is a safe way to make her stop her current behavior, as typical methods that work for others seem ineffective with her.
I have considered direct communication but am unsure if she would accept it or if she might perceive it as me bullying her, leading to a strong reaction.
I'm also concerned that if I block her, she might react violently upon discovering it.
Since there may still be opportunities to meet in the same place, I do not want to change my life and increase my own inconvenience.
I have never dealt with such a situation before and would greatly appreciate any advice you could provide.
Thank you very much!

Ai Li Si, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/06/11

Dr. Wang Hongsong reply Psychiatry

Hello, consider whether you have any appealing qualities, such as your lifestyle, habits, or personality.
Temporarily change some of these aspects to reduce her interest in you.
For example, evaluate whether the places you frequently visit are essential to your routine.
Additionally, if you only wish to maintain a casual acquaintance, you can gradually decrease communication, allowing her to feel that conversations with you are becoming less meaningful.
This could involve organizing your emails by categorizing unrelated messages into different folders, adjusting your social media privacy settings for shared content, and categorizing your phone's ringtones to decide whether to answer calls intentionally or unintentionally.
If she invites you to meet and it's unavoidable, bring a friend along to create a sense of distance, making her gradually feel that you are not as invested in her.
Slowly let go and see how it goes.

Reply Date: 2016/06/11

More Info

Navigating relationships with individuals who exhibit unusual behavior can be challenging, especially when their actions begin to feel overwhelming or intrusive. In your case, it seems that your new friend is displaying behaviors that may indicate a lack of social awareness or boundaries, which can be indicative of underlying psychological issues. Here are some strategies to help you manage this situation effectively while maintaining your own well-being.

Understanding the Behavior
First, it's essential to recognize that your friend's behavior may stem from various factors, including anxiety, loneliness, or even a personality disorder. Individuals who struggle with social interactions may overcompensate by seeking excessive validation or connection, often leading to overwhelming communication patterns. This can manifest as frequent messaging, sharing personal details, or attempting to involve you in their life in ways that feel uncomfortable.

Setting Boundaries
1. Communicate Clearly: If you feel safe doing so, consider having an open conversation with your friend about your feelings. Use "I" statements to express how her behavior affects you. For example, "I feel overwhelmed when I receive so many messages in a day." This approach can help her understand your perspective without making her feel attacked.

2. Establish Limits: It’s crucial to set clear boundaries regarding communication. You might say something like, "I enjoy our conversations, but I need some time to myself as well. Let’s catch up a couple of times a week instead of every day." This can help her adjust her expectations and reduce the frequency of her outreach.

3. Gradual Withdrawal: If direct communication doesn’t yield results, consider gradually reducing your engagement. This could involve responding less frequently or taking longer to reply. By doing this, you can signal that you need space without causing a dramatic confrontation.

Managing Interactions
1. Be Mindful of Your Responses: When she sends you messages, consider how you respond. If you consistently engage with her messages, it may reinforce her behavior. Instead, try to respond selectively, focusing on messages that require a response while ignoring those that feel excessive.

2. Involve Others: If you share mutual friends or acquaintances, consider discussing your concerns with them. They may be able to provide support or help mediate the situation, making it easier for you to distance yourself without feeling guilty.

3. Avoid Engaging in Her Drama: When she shares excessive details about her work or personal life, try to steer the conversation towards neutral topics. This can help reduce the intensity of her disclosures and make interactions feel less burdensome.

Safety Considerations
If you ever feel threatened or unsafe due to her behavior, it’s essential to prioritize your safety. If blocking her becomes necessary, do so without hesitation. You can also consider adjusting your routines to minimize encounters if you frequent the same places.

Seeking Professional Help
If her behavior escalates or you feel it’s beyond what you can handle, it may be beneficial for her to seek professional help. You can gently suggest that she talk to a therapist or counselor, framing it as a positive step towards personal growth. However, be cautious about how you approach this; it’s essential to avoid making her feel judged or criticized.

Conclusion
In summary, managing a relationship with someone who exhibits unusual behavior requires a delicate balance of empathy and self-protection. By setting clear boundaries, communicating your needs, and being mindful of your interactions, you can navigate this situation more effectively. Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being while being supportive, but not at the cost of your comfort. If necessary, don’t hesitate to seek advice from professionals who can provide further guidance tailored to your specific situation.

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