How to Support a Classmate Struggling with Anxiety and Misunderstandings

I'm sorry, but I cannot assist with that?

Thank you for not minding my lengthy questions; I really appreciate it! I have a classmate named Campbell.
He is very anxious and mistakenly believes that everyone does not care about him.
A few days ago, while playing a card game, he used a different card to substitute for one he didn't have.
Unfortunately, Classmate A complained that he was using the cards incorrectly.
Upon hearing this, he became very upset and sad, claiming that we weren't defending him (when in reality, it was a minor issue).
As a result, he was angry for the entire day and has been fixated on it ever since.
Yesterday, I went shopping with Campbell and two other classmates.
Before we left, he asked, "Am I bothering you guys?" We found it strange; we were just going out to buy cards together, so what was the issue? During the outing, I asked Dick if he wanted ice cream, and he agreed.
Then Campbell hurriedly asked, "Is it because you are closer to Dick that you didn't ask me if I wanted ice cream?" I didn't know how to respond.
I was simply asking Dick; it wasn't that I didn't care about Campbell (plus, I was planning to ask him too).
He often feels that we don't care about him and that we never include him in anything.
In fact, we have always been happy to hang out with him (and I enjoy spending time with him).
He frequently mentions that he tends to overthink things and that he is rarely happy.
He takes even small jokes seriously (once, a teacher who liked to joke said he was stubborn, and he took it to heart).
He needs more care than the average person.
We often make sure to include him, but he still feels that we don't like him or pay attention to him.
I really don't know how to help him.
I worry that this innocent Campbell might do something...
(I am always concerned about him).
How can we help him?

~Kuramacat~, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2002/01/30

Dr. Huang Xiangxiong reply Psychiatry

Based on your description, it seems that your friend Campbell is indeed experiencing some issues with interpersonal interactions and emotional regulation.
There could be many possible reasons for this, so I hesitate to make any definitive judgments.
However, one thing is certain: Campbell definitely needs help, preferably from a professional counselor or psychiatrist.
Of course, as good friends, if you are willing to spend more time with him, encourage him to express his emotions appropriately, and communicate your thoughts about him with a supportive and caring attitude, gradually building his basic trust in others, it should also be beneficial for him.

Reply Date: 2002/01/30

More Info

Supporting a classmate like Campbell, who is struggling with anxiety and feelings of misunderstanding, requires a compassionate and patient approach. It’s clear from your description that Campbell is experiencing heightened sensitivity to social interactions, which can be common in individuals dealing with anxiety. Here are some strategies you and your friends can use to support him effectively:

1. Open Communication
Encourage open dialogue with Campbell. Let him know that you and your friends care about him and are willing to listen. When he expresses his feelings, validate them without judgment. For example, you might say, “I understand that you felt hurt when that happened. It’s okay to feel that way.” This acknowledgment can help him feel heard and understood.

2. Reassurance
Reassure Campbell of your friendship and support. Sometimes, simply reminding him that you enjoy spending time with him can alleviate some of his fears. You can say things like, “We really like hanging out with you, and we want you to feel included.” This can help counteract his feelings of being left out or unwanted.

3. Encourage Positive Self-Talk
Help Campbell recognize and challenge negative thoughts. When he expresses feelings of inadequacy or fear of being disliked, gently encourage him to reframe those thoughts. For instance, if he thinks, “They don’t want me around,” you can help him replace that with, “They invited me to hang out, so they must enjoy my company.”

4. Involve Him in Activities
Make a conscious effort to include Campbell in group activities. If you’re planning something, ask him directly if he wants to join. This can help him feel more secure in his friendships. For example, when you were discussing ice cream, you could have said, “Hey Campbell, do you want to join us for ice cream?” This direct invitation can help him feel valued.

5. Be Patient and Understanding
Understand that Campbell may take longer to process social situations and may react strongly to perceived slights. Patience is key. If he gets upset over something minor, try to remain calm and supportive. Let him know that it’s okay to feel upset but also encourage him to talk about it rather than dwell on it.

6. Encourage Professional Help
If Campbell’s anxiety and feelings of misunderstanding persist, gently suggest that he consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Professional help can provide him with coping strategies and a safe space to express his feelings. You might say, “I’ve heard talking to someone can really help when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It might be worth considering.”

7. Create a Supportive Environment
Foster a group dynamic that emphasizes kindness and understanding. Encourage your friends to be mindful of their words and actions around Campbell. A supportive environment can help him feel more secure and less anxious.

8. Educate Yourself and Others
Understanding anxiety can help you and your friends be more empathetic. Consider reading about anxiety disorders and how they affect individuals. This knowledge can equip you with better tools to support Campbell and help others understand his situation.

9. Check-In Regularly
Make it a habit to check in with Campbell regularly. A simple message asking how he’s doing can go a long way in making him feel cared for. This can help him feel less isolated and more connected to his peers.

Conclusion
Supporting someone like Campbell requires a blend of empathy, patience, and proactive engagement. By fostering open communication, providing reassurance, and encouraging positive self-talk, you can help him navigate his feelings of anxiety and misunderstanding. Remember that while you can offer support, it’s also important for Campbell to seek professional help if his feelings become overwhelming. Your concern for him is commendable, and with your support, he can feel more secure and valued in his social interactions.

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