Intrusive Thoughts: Concerns About Others' Well-Being

I have obsessive thoughts and often think that the other person might commit suicide?

Dear Dr.
Shuo-Yan, I often find myself reminiscing about embarrassing or wrong things I did three to four years ago that may have hurt others.
I frequently worry that the other person might consider suicide, ultimately leading to death.
Is human life really that fragile? This thought deeply troubles me.

Ke Ke, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/06/16

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, the issue with obsessive thinking is not about the content you keep reflecting on, but rather the distress caused by the act of constantly thinking about it.
Let's start with your current obsessive thoughts; they are not something you should be investing so much energy and time into.
Past events have no bearing on the present—if they have an impact, they do; if not, they don’t.
What is meant to happen will happen, and what is not meant to happen will not.
Just because you keep thinking about something does not mean it will improve, nor will it worsen.
One day, if your obsessive thoughts improve, it won’t be because you’ve figured something out or resolved your worries; rather, it will be because your focus is no longer compulsively fixated on that issue, making it less significant, allowing you to redirect your time to real-life matters.
If you find it unbearable and painful, medication can be considered.
For self-adjustment, I recommend techniques for interrupting thoughts and shifting your attention.
If you catch yourself ruminating on a problem, immediately get up and observe your surroundings—look at the lights, the table, your hands, touch your face, and then focus on the rise and fall of your abdomen with your breath.
Even if you can only shift your attention for a few seconds, practice whenever you have the opportunity—while waiting for the elevator, during meals, before class, at traffic lights, or while waiting for someone.
Gradually, you can break this vicious cycle by shifting your focus dozens of times a day.
This is not avoidance; it is interrupting the supply of negative energy that fuels obsessive thinking.
You can try practicing this on your own.
Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/06/16

More Info

It's understandable to feel troubled by intrusive thoughts, especially when they revolve around past mistakes and the well-being of others. The human mind has a tendency to dwell on negative experiences, particularly those that involve social interactions or perceived failures. This can lead to a cycle of self-blame and concern for others, which can be quite distressing.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes. These moments are part of being human and do not define your worth or character. The feelings of guilt or regret you experience are common, especially if you care deeply about the impact of your actions on others. However, it's crucial to differentiate between your feelings and the reality of the situation. Just because you feel responsible for someone else's pain does not mean that they are as affected as you believe.

Your concern that others might be contemplating suicide due to your past actions reflects a deep empathy and sensitivity. While it's commendable to care about others' feelings, it's also essential to acknowledge that you are not responsible for their emotional state. People have their own coping mechanisms and support systems, and they may not react to situations in the same way you do. It's vital to understand that individuals are often more resilient than we give them credit for.

If you find yourself frequently ruminating on these thoughts, it may be beneficial to explore strategies to manage them. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one effective approach that can help you reframe negative thoughts and reduce anxiety. This therapy focuses on identifying and challenging distorted thinking patterns, allowing you to develop healthier perspectives on your past actions and their consequences.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness can be a powerful tool in managing intrusive thoughts. Mindfulness encourages you to stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment. By acknowledging these thoughts as just thoughts—rather than truths—you can reduce their emotional impact. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or grounding exercises can help you cultivate a sense of calm and clarity.

It's also important to engage in self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Recognize that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and that these do not diminish your value as a person. Journaling about your feelings can also provide an outlet for processing your emotions and reflecting on your growth since those past experiences.

If these thoughts continue to cause significant distress or interfere with your daily life, seeking support from a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, help you develop coping strategies, and guide you toward a healthier mindset.

In conclusion, while it's natural to worry about the well-being of others, it's essential to recognize that you are not solely responsible for their emotional states. By practicing self-compassion, engaging in mindfulness, and potentially seeking professional support, you can work towards alleviating the burden of these intrusive thoughts and fostering a healthier relationship with yourself and others. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to seek help along the way.

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