Overcoming Social Anxiety: Tips for Building Confidence and Comfort

Social anxiety?

Facing the situation where some classmates avoid making eye contact with me, and I feel awkward when placing or picking up things, my teachers have mentioned that my movements are stiff and unnatural, indicating a lack of confidence.
Sometimes I get nervous and my hands shake, fearing that others are watching me.
When I see store clerks outside, they appear very natural, while I tend to walk with my head down, looking at the ground.
How can I improve myself?

Xiao Xia, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/03/13

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, first, allow yourself to relax mentally.
Many people experience this issue, so don’t feel strange about it, and try not to dwell on why this is happening, as that can reduce some of the pain and negative cycles.
Next, you can search for muscle relaxation training videos uploaded by doctors or therapists on YouTube.
Practice along with them to truly experience the difference between muscle tension and relaxation, and feel the positive effects of muscle relaxation on anxiety and fear.
When you are alone, practice visualizing situations where you feel anxious in crowds, and then relax yourself.
This will help build your confidence, making it easier to relax in real situations.
Third, our feelings may stem from past experiences, or they may not.
We often assume that others are scrutinizing our every word and action, which makes us overly cautious.
In reality, everyone is primarily concerned with themselves, just like you are not focused on others.
If you think about it seriously, you won’t feel as tense.
Fourth, learn to care for others, help them, and smile at them, spreading kindness.
Over time, this will come back to benefit you, serving as a long-term solution.
Wishing you all the best.
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2017/03/13

More Info

Overcoming social anxiety can be a challenging journey, but with the right strategies and support, it is entirely possible to build confidence and improve your comfort in social situations. Here are some practical tips that can help you navigate your social anxiety and develop more natural interactions with others.

Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one might be judged or scrutinized by others. This fear can lead to avoidance behaviors, such as not making eye contact, feeling stiff or awkward in movements, and experiencing physical symptoms like trembling hands or a racing heart. It’s important to recognize that many people experience similar feelings, and you are not alone in this struggle.

Tips for Building Confidence
1. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help reduce anxiety levels. When you feel anxious, your body tends to tense up, which can make you feel more rigid and uncomfortable. By practicing relaxation techniques, you can learn to calm your mind and body, making it easier to engage in social situations.

2. Gradual Exposure: Start by exposing yourself to social situations in a gradual manner. Begin with low-pressure environments, such as small gatherings or casual interactions with acquaintances. As you become more comfortable, gradually increase the complexity of the social situations you engage in. This gradual exposure can help desensitize you to the anxiety-provoking aspects of social interactions.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in social situations, set achievable goals for yourself. For example, you might aim to make eye contact with one person during a conversation or to initiate a brief chat with a classmate. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, as this will help reinforce positive behavior and build your confidence over time.

4. Practice Social Skills: Role-playing social interactions with a trusted friend or family member can be a helpful way to practice your social skills in a safe environment. Focus on making eye contact, using open body language, and engaging in small talk. This practice can help you feel more prepared when you encounter similar situations in real life.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Social anxiety often comes with negative self-talk and irrational beliefs about how others perceive you. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on evidence or if they are simply assumptions. For instance, if you think, “Everyone is judging me,” consider that most people are likely focused on their own experiences rather than scrutinizing you.

6. Seek Professional Help: If your social anxiety significantly impacts your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in treating social anxiety by helping individuals identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. A therapist can provide you with tailored strategies and support as you work through your anxiety.

7. Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating. Look for support groups, either in-person or online, where you can share your feelings and learn from others who are also working to overcome social anxiety.

8. Focus on Others: Shift your focus from yourself to the people you are interacting with. Instead of worrying about how you are perceived, concentrate on listening and engaging with the other person. This can help alleviate some of the pressure you feel and make the interaction feel more natural.

Conclusion
Overcoming social anxiety is a gradual process that requires patience and practice. By implementing these strategies, you can begin to build your confidence and improve your comfort in social situations. Remember that it’s okay to take small steps and that progress may take time. Celebrate your achievements along the way, and don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. You have the ability to change your relationship with social interactions, and with persistence, you can find greater ease and enjoyment in connecting with others.

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