Navigating Life's Challenges: Seeking Guidance for Mental Health and Career Choices

The path of life is difficult to walk?

Hello Dr.
Ding,
This is Jason.
It's been a long time! Recently, I've encountered some difficulties and would like to seek valuable advice from a psychiatrist for reference.
I have consulted before, and indeed, engaging in online Q&A with a physician I’ve never met has its limitations.
However, even my father, who knows me well, may not provide the correct advice and direction.
Since failing the national exam last year, I only have the disability exam in April this year.
After taking the exam last year, I realized how challenging it is.
Because of my restless personality and inability to calm my mind, I found a job at the beginning of February.
However, it turned out to be just a job as a server.
Although serving customers is tiring, I have gained a little bit from it.
But I am already 36 years old and should be looking for a more technical job! Yet, I truly don’t know what to do.
Ideally, I would like a job that combines my interests and expertise, but that’s not the case for 80-90% of people!
Moreover, it’s not ideal for a man to work as a server for a lifetime! I have never seen an older man working as a server.
To put it plainly, I am currently just looking for a job to fit my study plan for the national exam.
However, the job can be exhausting at times, and at other times, it can be so slow that I feel like sleeping! Since I work at a newly opened store, the business is unstable.
A fortune teller once told me that I would have a period working as a server, but due to poor business or something similar, even if I become a manager, it would still be useless! Ultimately, the store would close, and the reason would be blamed on me...
Perhaps I am starting to validate what the fortune teller said, as well as the truth that I won’t pass the national exam!
I really don’t want to be stuck in a job I dislike, nor do I want to be perpetually searching for new jobs! Being unemployed in middle age and feeling useless is very unfortunate! I know I am complaining about others, and others are complaining about me too! To increase the stability of finding other jobs in the future, I must stay in this job for at least six months.
Working as a server is exhausting, and my father insists on having me do some recycling work daily, so even if I want to study, it’s impossible! I can’t focus on reading due to various reasons, including my inability to calm my mind.
I used to study very hard during my student days, so naturally, I wouldn’t be more serious about the national exam!
I feel like I am wasting time! I want to see how much I can improve for this year’s disability exam to retake it next year! But that means I have to find a job that accommodates my schedule or stay in my current position! Time is running out! There aren’t many years left in life to squander, especially for someone like me! I truly don’t want to just drift through the rest of my life! Moreover, I feel that I am not suited for being a server! Sometimes my mind is unclear (especially when it’s busy)! Standing around waiting for customers feels very boring and aimless.
While working as a general operator is indeed tiring due to constant production, I feel that being a server is even more exhausting!
I wonder if this is related to my mental health condition, as sometimes I can be excessively sleepy until just before work, and I have been late a few times.
Just the other day, I went to work without even showering! That’s why I am taking the time to type this message to seek your advice, Dr.
Ding! Since my outpatient appointments are every two months, I cannot have a quick face-to-face discussion! I understand that you are not obligated to help me, but I feel like a headless chicken!!! However, this message may also serve as a reference for other patients.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.
Thank you!

Jason, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/04/13

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, thank you for sharing.
There are many reasons for excessive sleepiness, including lifestyle habits and whether physical energy is allocated to less important matters, which can lead to burnout.
These aspects should be explored.
Setting realistic life goals, and even breaking them down into achievable smaller milestones, may lead to greater success and a reduced feeling of wasting life.
As for what constitutes a reasonable goal, it can be helpful to consult with family, friends, and your physician who understands you.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2017/04/13

More Info

Hello Jason,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you are navigating a challenging period in your life, and I commend you for seeking guidance. Your situation is complex, involving both mental health concerns and career uncertainties, which can often feel overwhelming. Let’s break this down and explore some potential pathways forward.

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge the emotional and psychological aspects you are experiencing. You mentioned feelings of frustration, anxiety, and a sense of being stuck, which are common when facing significant life transitions or challenges. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that you are not alone in experiencing them. Many individuals go through similar struggles, especially when they feel their current situation does not align with their aspirations or self-image.

From a mental health perspective, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being. If you haven't already, consider continuing or seeking therapy or counseling. A mental health professional can provide you with coping strategies to manage anxiety and stress, especially as you prepare for your upcoming exams. They can also help you work through feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness, which can be particularly debilitating. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Regarding your career concerns, it’s understandable to feel pressure to find a job that aligns with your skills and interests, especially at 36. However, it’s important to approach this with a mindset of exploration rather than limitation. While you may feel that being a service worker is not a long-term solution, it can still provide valuable experiences and skills that are transferable to other roles. For instance, working in customer service can enhance your communication skills, problem-solving abilities, and resilience—qualities that are highly valued in many fields.

You mentioned wanting to find a job that combines your interests and skills. It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on what you genuinely enjoy doing and what you are passionate about. Consider engaging in activities or volunteering in areas that interest you, as this can provide clarity and potentially lead to new opportunities. Networking with professionals in fields you are curious about can also open doors and provide insights into different career paths.

Additionally, it’s essential to set realistic goals for yourself. Instead of focusing solely on the end goal of a specific job, consider breaking it down into smaller, manageable steps. For example, you could aim to improve your study habits, seek additional training or certifications in areas of interest, or even explore part-time work in a field that excites you. This approach can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed and allow you to celebrate small victories along the way.

Lastly, regarding your concerns about the future and the fear of being perceived negatively, it’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique. Many people change careers multiple times throughout their lives, and it’s never too late to pursue something new. Focus on your growth and learning rather than comparing yourself to others. Your experiences, even the challenging ones, contribute to your resilience and character.

In conclusion, Jason, I encourage you to take care of your mental health, seek support when needed, and remain open to exploring various career paths. Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to take your time to find your way. Remember, it’s not just about where you end up but also about the experiences and lessons learned along the way. You have the strength to navigate this, and I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Take care.

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