Navigating Gender Identity: Conflicting Feelings in Mental Health

I feel conflicted?

Hello, doctor.
Recently, I've been troubled by some things.
I feel like there are two different genders within me.
I usually present myself as a male, but I often exhibit a softer, more feminine side.
I enjoy being playful like a girl, yet I also have the mindset of a proud, masculine man.
Can you understand this? A delicate girl and a masculine boy coexist in my body.
I often find myself speaking in a deep voice and bonding with other guys one moment, and then switching to a more high-pitched, playful tone the next.
This makes it difficult for me to determine whether I am a boy or a girl.
If I say I am a girl, I feel I resemble a boy more, and I want to be a boy; I am almost convinced that I am a boy.
If I say I am a boy, I still enjoy being playful and flirtatious like an ordinary girl.
Physically, I desperately wish to be a man; just the thought of having a female body makes me feel disgusted.
At the same time, I also want to look pretty, wear cute dresses, and embody femininity.
Is there something wrong with me?

GZ, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/08/27

Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry

Dear Sir/Madam,
From your letter, I can sense your inner conflict and confusion regarding issues of sexual orientation.
Most individuals tend to have a clear understanding or minimal doubts about their orientation early in life, typically before adolescence.
However, there are some individuals who may feel uncertain or anxious about their sexual orientation, and it seems that your situation may align with the latter.
I understand your current feelings of unease and conflict.
Your letter indicates that you have a clear awareness of your psychological thoughts and feelings, as well as your physical sensations.
The inconsistency or coexistence of these feelings may leave you feeling somewhat lost.
My suggestion is to reflect on your past experiences with friendships to clarify and confirm your feelings, such as your emotional state and sensations when interacting with male friends versus female friends, including during intimate moments.
Clinically and theoretically, some individuals are open to relationships with both male and female friends.
If you need more time to think or confirm your feelings, there is no need to rush; some matters require time and experience to process.
I believe that gradually, you will find clarity regarding your direction and answers.
This is a journey of self-discovery, and it does not indicate that there is something wrong with you at present.
Of course, if you find yourself feeling significantly troubled, seeking support and assistance from friends, family, or professionals is also important.
Wishing you peace and joy.
Sincerely,
Dr.
Fang-Rong Chang
Department of General Psychiatry

Reply Date: 2017/08/27

More Info

Navigating gender identity can be a complex and deeply personal journey, often accompanied by a range of conflicting feelings and emotions. From your description, it sounds like you are experiencing a form of gender dysphoria, which is characterized by a disconnect between one's experienced or expressed gender and the gender assigned at birth. This can lead to significant emotional distress, as you are feeling torn between two identities—one that aligns with traditional masculinity and another that embraces femininity.

It's important to understand that gender identity exists on a spectrum, and many individuals do not fit neatly into binary categories of "male" or "female." Your feelings of wanting to express both masculine and feminine traits are valid and reflect the diverse nature of human identity. It is not uncommon for individuals to feel comfortable embodying characteristics of both genders, and this can manifest in various ways, such as through behavior, clothing choices, and social interactions.

The discomfort you feel regarding your physical body and the desire to present as male while also enjoying traditionally feminine expressions can be indicative of a non-binary or gender-fluid identity. Many people who identify as non-binary may feel that they do not exclusively identify as male or female, and they may express their gender in ways that feel authentic to them, regardless of societal expectations.

Here are some steps you might consider taking to navigate these feelings:
1. Self-Reflection: Take time to explore your feelings about your gender identity. Journaling can be a helpful tool to articulate your thoughts and emotions. Reflect on moments when you feel most comfortable and authentic—what aspects of your identity are most important to you?
2. Seek Support: Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly validating. Consider joining support groups or online communities focused on gender identity. Speaking with a therapist who specializes in gender issues can also provide a safe space to explore your feelings and experiences without judgment.

3. Educate Yourself: Learning about gender identity and the experiences of others can help you understand your own feelings better. There are many resources available, including books, articles, and documentaries that explore the spectrum of gender identity.

4. Experiment with Expression: Allow yourself the freedom to express your gender in ways that feel comfortable. This could include trying out different clothing styles, hairstyles, or pronouns. You might find that certain expressions resonate more with you than others.

5. Consider Professional Guidance: If your feelings of distress become overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A mental health professional with experience in gender identity issues can help you navigate your feelings and provide coping strategies.

6. Be Patient with Yourself: Understanding your gender identity is a journey that can take time. It's okay to feel confused or uncertain as you explore this aspect of yourself. Allow yourself the grace to evolve and change as you learn more about who you are.

In conclusion, your experiences and feelings are valid, and it's essential to approach this journey with compassion for yourself. Gender identity is a deeply personal aspect of who we are, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Embrace the complexity of your identity, and remember that you are not alone in this journey. Seeking support and understanding can help you find clarity and peace as you explore your gender identity.

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