Managing Exam Stress: A Student's Struggle with Family Expectations - Psychiatry

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The pressure faced by students preparing for the university entrance examination?


Hello, Doctor.
I am a student preparing for the university entrance exam in just over 150 days.
I really want to get into my ideal school, but my family doesn't seem to care much about my academic performance; instead, they are more concerned about my sleep schedule.
They insist that I must go to bed by 10 PM on weekdays, which is extremely difficult for me as a student.
If I don't comply, they nag me until I agree to sleep.
I often end up arguing with my mother about my studies and sleep issues, and I find it quite amusing to think about it.
Since my family doesn't prioritize my academics, they often say things like, "Is studying really that exhausting?" Hearing such comments makes me feel terrible, as they cannot understand the pressure I'm under.

I also have a bad habit of absorbing others' emotions; my friends like to confide in me, and seeing their worries makes me feel anxious without even knowing why.
Since the summer vacation began, I've developed a habit of grinding my teeth at night.
My sister, who shares the same bed, has noticed that I've been grinding more intensely and for longer periods.
Additionally, I've started experiencing gastrointestinal issues; I had constipation for 1 to 2 weeks recently, but now, in August, I find myself having diarrhea frequently, with stomach pain, yet the actual output is very minimal.
My appetite has also diminished significantly; everything I eat feels the same.
I do get hungry, but I just can't eat.

At home, my emotions have become erratic; I often get frustrated while doing homework and unintentionally take it out on my family.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and want to scream, while other times I suddenly feel very depressed and want to cry.
I can still chat normally with my classmates, which makes me think I don't have any issues.
However, I've recently realized that I'm truly exhausted, which is why I'm seeking ways to cope.

Xue Ce Sheng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/08/23

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: Your family is not indifferent to your test scores; rather, they care more about your mental and physical health than your academic performance.
Facing the exam, there will inevitably be pressure, so adopt the attitude of "make the most of today" and prepare well.
Sufficient sleep can help convert short-term memory into long-term memory, often making learning more efficient.
"Life is a continuous and long accumulation," and the exam is just one event among many; remind yourself not to place too much weight on success or failure.
Social changes happen rapidly, and the skills that will give you an advantage in the future may not necessarily be related to exam performance.
Of course, doing well on the exam and getting into a good school or a preferred program is certainly a wonderful achievement.
One way to relax is to remind yourself that even if you don't perform well, it’s not the end of the world; understand that your family cares more about your health than your grades.
Symptoms like sleep disturbances, teeth grinding, and gastrointestinal issues are indicators of your current stress levels; a decrease in these discomforts suggests that your adjustments are effective.
Wishing you the best in finding peace of mind soon.

Reply Date: 2018/08/23

More Info


Managing exam stress, especially in the context of family expectations, can be a significant challenge for students. Your situation reflects a common struggle among students who are preparing for important exams while dealing with external pressures, particularly from family members who may not fully understand the academic demands you face.

Firstly, it’s essential to recognize that the emotional and physical symptoms you are experiencing—such as grinding your teeth at night, gastrointestinal issues, and mood swings—are often manifestations of stress and anxiety. These symptoms can be exacerbated by the pressure to perform academically while also trying to meet your family's expectations regarding sleep and study habits. The conflict between your desire to study and your family's insistence on a strict bedtime can create a cycle of stress that affects your overall well-being.

One effective way to manage this situation is through open communication with your family. It may help to sit down with them and explain how their comments and demands are impacting your mental health and academic performance. You could express that while you understand their concern for your sleep, the pressure to conform to a strict bedtime is counterproductive to your study habits and overall stress management. Providing them with information about the importance of sleep for cognitive function, especially during exam preparation, might help them understand your perspective better.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to establish a compromise regarding your study schedule and sleep routine. For instance, you could propose a flexible bedtime that allows you to wind down after studying while still getting enough rest. This way, you can demonstrate that you are taking your studies seriously while also respecting their concerns about your health.

Moreover, it’s crucial to address the habit of absorbing others' emotions, which can lead to increased stress and anxiety. While being a supportive friend is admirable, it’s important to set boundaries to protect your mental health. You might consider practicing mindfulness or grounding techniques to help you stay centered and reduce the emotional burden you carry from others.

In terms of your physical symptoms, such as gastrointestinal issues and sleep disturbances, it may be wise to consult a healthcare professional. They can provide a thorough evaluation and suggest appropriate interventions, which may include therapy, stress management techniques, or even medication if necessary. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for managing anxiety and stress, as it helps individuals develop coping strategies and change negative thought patterns.

Lastly, incorporating self-care practices into your daily routine can significantly improve your emotional resilience. Regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are foundational to managing stress. Additionally, engaging in activities that you enjoy or that help you relax—such as reading, listening to music, or spending time with friends—can provide a much-needed break from academic pressures.

In summary, managing exam stress in the context of family expectations requires a multifaceted approach. Open communication with your family, setting boundaries regarding emotional burdens, seeking professional help for physical symptoms, and prioritizing self-care are all critical steps in navigating this challenging period. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and prioritize your mental health as you prepare for your exams.

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