Should I Seek Therapy for My Social Anxiety and Isolation?

Should I consider undergoing psychotherapy?

I have been relatively introverted and reclusive since childhood.
In a new environment, I never initiate friendships; I can only get to know people if someone approaches me first.
If no one reaches out, I end up with no friends in class.
Additionally, I am not good at maintaining friendships.
After changing environments, I do not proactively contact people I met previously, which is why I have never had a friendship lasting more than three years.
As a result, at twenty years old, I do not have anyone who can truly be called a "good friend." I dislike bothering others and enjoy solitude.
I have been ostracized in the past due to my appearance and have witnessed bullying incidents during my childhood.
Although I understand now that children can be thoughtless, I have gradually become more closed off, feeling that people can be cruel.
Whenever there are group activities with a limit on numbers, I am usually the first to be excluded.
If there is a task that no one wants to do, I am often the one pressured into doing it.
I increasingly feel that interpersonal relationships are driven by self-interest, that people are kind to the strong and fearful of the weak, and that genuine compassion in times of trouble does not exist.
I find it hard to trust anyone.
However, I am aware that lacking social skills makes it difficult to survive in society.
For instance, I am currently anxious almost every day due to group presentations in class.
I have considered dropping out several times to escape all of this, but my parents say that my personality would lead to similar issues in any new environment.
I am afraid to talk to strangers, and I become anxious to the point of chest tightness when faced with group work, leading to pessimistic thoughts.
I also have extreme self-doubt and a tendency to please others, which results in me pretending to be someone I'm not, ultimately leading to a miserable outcome.
I lack goals and ambition, and I feel no passion or interest in anything.
Although I think everything is inconsequential, I still care deeply about how others perceive me.
I have been so worried and anxious about this that I have experienced insomnia, chest tightness, and dry heaving.
Sometimes I feel like I have failed at life, while at other times, I think people are inherently dark.
Should I seek counseling from a psychologist? But I am already at an age where my personality and beliefs should be set.
Is change even possible?

Lily, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/09/12

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
The situation described in your message has room for improvement.
I recommend that you consult a mental health specialist (what you referred to as a psychologist).
If that's not convenient, please reach out to Teacher Chang's hotline (1980).
They also provide counseling, consultation, and referral services to help you address your concerns.

Reply Date: 2018/09/12

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing significant social anxiety and feelings of isolation, which can be incredibly challenging to navigate, especially in a new environment. Your concerns about not having close friendships and feeling uncomfortable in social situations are valid and not uncommon among individuals who struggle with social anxiety. The good news is that seeking therapy can be a beneficial step toward addressing these issues and improving your overall quality of life.

Why Seek Therapy?
1. Understanding Your Feelings: A therapist can help you explore the roots of your social anxiety and feelings of isolation. Understanding the underlying causes of your anxiety, such as past experiences of bullying or feelings of rejection, can be crucial in addressing these issues.

2. Developing Coping Strategies: Therapy can provide you with tools and techniques to manage your anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for example, is a common approach that helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with social anxiety. This can help you reframe your thoughts about social interactions and reduce your anxiety in these situations.

3. Building Social Skills: A therapist can work with you to develop social skills and strategies for initiating and maintaining friendships. This can include role-playing social scenarios, learning how to start conversations, and practicing assertiveness.

4. Addressing Negative Beliefs: You mentioned feeling that people are inherently self-serving and that genuine connections do not exist. Therapy can help you challenge these beliefs and explore healthier perspectives on relationships and social interactions.

5. Creating a Supportive Environment: Therapy provides a safe space where you can express your feelings without judgment. This can be particularly important if you feel isolated or misunderstood in your daily life.

Concerns About Change
It's understandable to feel apprehensive about seeking help, especially if you believe your personality and views are fixed. However, it's important to recognize that change is possible at any age. While it may take time and effort, many individuals have successfully worked through their social anxiety and developed fulfilling relationships later in life. Therapy is not about changing who you are but rather about helping you understand yourself better and equipping you with the skills to navigate social situations more comfortably.

Next Steps
1. Consider Therapy: If you feel ready, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. You can start with a psychologist or counselor who specializes in anxiety disorders. They can conduct an assessment and help you determine the best course of action.

2. Explore Support Groups: In addition to individual therapy, you might find it helpful to join a support group for individuals with social anxiety. This can provide a sense of community and understanding, as well as opportunities to practice social skills in a supportive environment.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings. Acknowledge that it's okay to struggle and that seeking help is a courageous step.

4. Set Small Goals: Start with small, manageable social interactions. This could be as simple as greeting a classmate or participating in a group discussion. Gradually increasing your exposure to social situations can help build your confidence.

In conclusion, seeking therapy can be a valuable step in addressing your social anxiety and feelings of isolation. Change is possible, and with the right support and strategies, you can work toward building meaningful connections and improving your overall well-being. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are professionals who can help guide you through it.

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