I'm not sure what to do?
Hello, Doctor: I have been working in cleaning for a year and three months now.
Previously, I had frequent absences and was often late (last year), but now I only occasionally arrive late.
I feel like I don’t know how I managed to get through it.
There was a time when my boss was furious and wanted to fire me, but thanks to the intervention of my supervisor at that time, I was able to keep my job.
Now, I feel lost and just going with the flow.
There is a lot to learn in cleaning, but occasionally I accidentally break things, though it doesn’t happen often.
I don’t know why this happens, which is why I have earned the nickname "Destruction King." Now that I am 40 years old, I feel like I am getting old.
I originally wanted to learn cleaning skills from my colleagues and superiors or my boss, but my job is contracted work.
There are contracts this year, next year, but it’s uncertain for the year after.
If we don’t win the bid, we will have to return to the headquarters! Currently, my workplace is very close to where my mother’s ashes are kept, and I don’t want to be transferred to another unit or lose my current job! I wanted to learn cleaning skills so that in the future I might be able to become a boss, win some contracts, or hire people for cleaning.
I know that as I age, my physical strength will decline, which was my initial goal.
However, this is something I should have done in my twenties! They are all my enemies! They have wasted my time and my youth...
During this period, I even fell to the point of scavenging for a living for several decades! It has been such a long time! Every time I see young people in their teens or twenties in Taiwan with the same symptoms as mine, walking the same path of illness, it feels like I am looking at my younger self.
But I have really faced many hardships! I once worked as a temporary worker at Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corporation, which made me aspire to enter the company.
I got the temporary job through a benefactor’s introduction; I was picking up recyclables when I happened to meet them.
However, getting in requires passing an exam.
I am not as academically inclined as others, I don’t have a prestigious education, and I can’t rely on connections to get in, so I had to give up! But when I saw the post office, I felt that I wanted to enter.
It also requires an exam, but at least it doesn’t have as high a threshold as Taiwan Tobacco.
Although it’s not a civil service job, at least it provides a stable living and allows for other dreams.
However, my English is really poor; I only know phonetics and letters, and I don’t understand grammar at all! Now I don’t have any books to read, and during middle school, my English scores were always single digits! What should I do? Honestly, having dreams or ideals at 40 is not easy; how many more decades do I have left? How much longer can I rely on my physical strength? But I often borrow some leisure books from the library to read, or I watch YouTube videos, listen to music, or watch online movies...
Preparing for the post office exam feels like a distant dream! What can I do to calm my restless heart? How can I quiet my mind to study and read? How can I focus without distractions? Thank you.
Jason, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/03/11
Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello Jason: Regardless of age, everyone can have life goals, and having life goals brings hope.
Once you have a goal, the next step is to take effective action to move closer to your dreams step by step.
If you want to take an exam, it is advisable to understand the exam content and create a study plan for yourself, including monthly, weekly, and daily plans.
Once you start executing the plan, your mind usually becomes much more determined.
Regardless of the final outcome, the effort put into the process is also a form of gain and can lead to personal growth.
Wishing you all the best.
Reply Date: 2020/03/11
More Info
Finding direction in life, especially when faced with mental health challenges and career uncertainties, can be daunting. Your journey reflects a common struggle many individuals face, particularly when transitioning through various life stages and career paths. It’s commendable that you have been able to maintain your job in cleaning for over a year, especially considering your past difficulties with attendance and punctuality. This shows resilience and a willingness to improve, which are vital traits in overcoming challenges.
Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge the progress you’ve made. Transitioning from frequent absences to occasional tardiness is a significant improvement. This change indicates that you are becoming more reliable, which is a crucial aspect of any job. It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of your current role, especially when you feel pressure to learn new skills and maintain your position. The fear of losing your job can create anxiety, but it’s important to focus on what you can control.
Regarding your desire to learn cleaning skills and potentially start your own cleaning business, it’s never too late to pursue your goals. While you may feel that these aspirations should have been realized in your twenties, many successful entrepreneurs have started their journeys later in life. The key is to break down your goals into manageable steps. For instance, you could start by seeking out online resources or local workshops that teach cleaning techniques and business management skills. Many community colleges offer adult education courses that could help you gain the knowledge you need.
Your concern about the instability of your current job due to its outsourced nature is valid. However, consider this as an opportunity to network and build relationships within the industry. Engaging with colleagues and supervisors can provide insights into the business and potentially lead to more stable opportunities in the future. If you express your interest in learning and improving, many employers appreciate employees who show initiative.
As for your feelings of inadequacy compared to younger individuals, remember that everyone has their own path. Your experiences, while challenging, have equipped you with unique perspectives and resilience that younger individuals may not yet possess. Use this to your advantage; your life experiences can be a source of strength and wisdom.
When it comes to your concerns about learning English and preparing for exams, consider setting small, achievable goals. For example, dedicate a specific amount of time each day to study English, using resources that suit your learning style, such as language apps, online courses, or community classes. Consistency is key, and even small daily efforts can lead to significant improvements over time.
Lastly, to calm your mind and create a conducive learning environment, try establishing a routine that includes dedicated study time. Limit distractions by creating a specific study space and setting boundaries with your time. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can also help center your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
In summary, while the journey may seem overwhelming, take it one step at a time. Celebrate your progress, seek out learning opportunities, and remember that it’s never too late to pursue your dreams. Your experiences have shaped you, and with determination and a positive mindset, you can navigate the challenges ahead.
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