Overcoming Loneliness: Seeking Help for Long-Standing Mental Health Issues

A long-standing issue?

Since middle school, I have been a lone wolf, heavily reliant on my parents.
Aside from them, I have maintained a long-standing habit of not speaking with my sister.
Most of the time, I find myself daydreaming alone and talking to myself.
This habit has accumulated over the years, making it difficult for me to interact with others.
Consequently, I often experience significant physical discomfort in group settings and feel the urge to leave temporarily.
Now, as a 40-year-old middle-aged man, I am unsure what resources I can utilize besides medication.
I have already tried the Zhang Teacher hotline and psychological counseling, but unfortunately, the help has been limited.
I would appreciate any recommendations from a physician.

G, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/02/21

Dr. Hong Jiajun reply Psychiatry

Being a lone wolf can also be a lifestyle, and many people live comfortably on their own.
What specific concerns do you have? Do you want to interact with others but don't know how to start? Are you unsure how to engage with others in a group setting? Do you actually not want to be a lone wolf? Could this be affecting your learning or work? If the support from Teacher Zhang's hotline and psychological counseling is limited, I suggest considering an evaluation at a psychosomatic or psychiatric outpatient clinic to see if a referral for long-term individual psychotherapy is appropriate.
Long-standing psychological issues and personal characteristics are not easily changed by medication or simple consultations.
Although individual psychotherapy requires more time and financial investment, as well as a commitment to work collaboratively with a therapist, it is akin to psychological rehabilitation therapy, where gradual progress can lead to meaningful change.
If this has been a concern for you for many years, it may be worth trying.

Reply Date: 2021/02/21

More Info

Overcoming loneliness and seeking help for long-standing mental health issues can be a challenging journey, especially when one has developed habits of isolation over many years. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid and that seeking help is a courageous step towards improving your mental well-being.

From what you've shared, it seems that your reliance on your parents and the lack of communication with your sister have contributed to a pattern of isolation. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and discomfort in social situations, which is not uncommon for individuals who have spent a significant amount of time alone. The fact that you often find yourself talking to yourself or daydreaming indicates a deep-seated habit of self-reliance, but it can also be a sign of underlying emotional distress.

Here are some strategies and resources that may help you navigate through your feelings of loneliness and improve your mental health:
1. Therapeutic Support: While you mentioned that you have tried counseling and found it to be of limited help, it might be worthwhile to explore different types of therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns and behaviors. Additionally, consider seeking a therapist who specializes in group therapy, as this could provide a supportive environment to practice social interactions.

2. Social Skills Training: Engaging in social skills training can help you develop the necessary tools to interact with others more comfortably. This training often includes role-playing scenarios, which can help you practice responses and build confidence in social settings.

3. Support Groups: Look for support groups in your area or online that focus on loneliness or social anxiety. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide a sense of community and understanding. It can also be a safe space to express your feelings without judgment.

4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall emotional state. These practices encourage you to focus on the present moment and can help alleviate feelings of discomfort in social situations.

5. Gradual Exposure: Start small by gradually exposing yourself to social situations. This could mean attending a community event, joining a class, or simply engaging in small talk with a neighbor. The key is to take incremental steps that feel manageable.

6. Hobbies and Interests: Engaging in hobbies or activities that interest you can provide opportunities to meet new people. Consider joining clubs or groups that align with your interests, whether it’s a book club, sports team, or art class. Shared interests can serve as a natural conversation starter.

7. Volunteering: Volunteering can be a fulfilling way to connect with others while contributing to your community. It can also provide a sense of purpose and help combat feelings of loneliness.

8. Medication Review: If you are currently on medication, it may be beneficial to discuss your treatment plan with your healthcare provider. Sometimes, adjustments to medication can lead to improvements in mood and social engagement.

9. Family Communication: If possible, try to improve communication with your family members. Expressing your feelings and needs to them can help foster a better understanding of your situation and may lead to increased support.

10. Self-Compassion: Lastly, practice self-compassion. Understand that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and that change takes time. Celebrate small victories in your journey towards overcoming loneliness.

In conclusion, while it may feel daunting, there are numerous resources and strategies available to help you overcome feelings of loneliness and improve your mental health. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking proactive steps can lead to meaningful changes in your life. It’s never too late to build connections and find joy in social interactions.

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