Confused About Sexual Orientation: Navigating Feelings for Boys and Girls

Q: Confused About Sexual Orientation: Navigating Feelings for Boys and Girls

Hello： "Sexual orientation" refers to an individual's emotional attraction to either the same sex or the opposite sex. <br>Most people begin to understand their sexual orientation during their teenage years. <br>During this process, they may experience anxiety and distress due to

Uncertain about whether I like boys or girls?

Hello, doctor! I have always had doubts about my sexual orientation since the sixth grade.
I started feeling this way when I was in elementary school.
One time, when I was at a classmate's house, I met his cousin, who asked me to help him with masturbation.
At that time, I didn't have much understanding of sex, and I felt indifferent towards both boys and girls.
I wonder if it was because I was still young and didn't realize what masturbation was.
After that incident, I became somewhat close friends with him, but we eventually lost contact.
However, after that experience, I felt like I started to have thoughts about engaging in similar activities...
I felt a desire to be close to boys.
In middle school, I didn't have much interest in girls; I was just curious and had some fantasies, but I often played with boys and we would touch each other, though we never crossed any boundaries.
Since middle school, my relationship with my family has not been very good due to arguments and some incidents, which led to a deterioration in our relationship.
I even have experience running away from home.
After graduating from high school, I chose to live on campus, and from that point on, I felt like I became a different person.
I engaged in some inappropriate behaviors, such as 1.
masturbating in front of my roommate, 2.
helping classmates with mutual masturbation, and 3.
masturbating in school restrooms, among others.
I don't know why I felt compelled to do these things; playing around with boys makes me feel conflicted inside, yet I still want to do it.
Throughout this time, the people who have taken care of me have mostly been boys, including teachers and mentors at school.
I wonder if this relationship has made me overly dependent on boys.
Now that I am in college, I find myself engaging in some strange behaviors.
For example, lying on the same bed with classmates excites me, and I feel thrilled when joking about sexual topics, often leading to physiological reactions.
However, I have always believed that I am attracted to girls.
I don't feel anything towards boys' bodies; I prefer the physical characteristics of girls and want to date and have relationships with them.
I don't desire to have a closer connection with boys.
Recently, I have been feeling very down about these issues and think I am really terrible.
I truly don't know what to do...

Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/05/02

Dr. Wang Yaoting reply Psychiatry

Hello: "Sexual orientation" refers to an individual's emotional attraction to either the same sex or the opposite sex.
Most people begin to understand their sexual orientation during their teenage years.
During this process, they may experience anxiety and distress due to the judgment of peers or family members, or due to internal struggles.
If you are facing such concerns, it is advisable to seek assistance from the school's counseling office.
If such resources are not available, you can also visit a mental health clinic for evaluation and psychological therapy, which can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and reduce inner pain and distress.
I hope this answers your question :)

Reply Date: 2022/05/02

More Info

Navigating your feelings about sexual orientation can be a complex and sometimes confusing journey, especially when you have experiences that seem to contradict each other. It’s important to understand that sexual orientation and sexual behavior can be fluid, and many people find themselves questioning their feelings at different points in their lives.

From what you’ve described, it seems you have had various experiences with both boys and girls, and your feelings towards them are not entirely straightforward. You mentioned that you have engaged in sexual activities with boys, which has led to feelings of excitement and confusion. At the same time, you express a desire to be in relationships with girls and have a preference for their physical attributes. This duality is not uncommon and can be indicative of a bisexual orientation, where an individual is attracted to both genders but may have varying levels of attraction or interest in each.

It’s also worth noting that your early experiences, such as the incident with your friend’s cousin, may have shaped your understanding of sexuality. At a young age, many people are still exploring their feelings and may not fully comprehend the implications of their actions. This exploration can lead to a broader understanding of one’s sexual orientation over time.

Your feelings of excitement when being close to male friends or engaging in playful, intimate behaviors could be a reflection of a strong emotional connection or bond that you have developed with them. It’s possible to feel a sense of comfort and safety with friends of the same sex, which can sometimes be misinterpreted as sexual attraction. This is particularly true if you have had positive experiences with male figures in your life, such as teachers or mentors, which may contribute to your feelings of reliance on them.

On the other hand, your attraction to girls and desire for romantic relationships with them suggests that you still identify with heterosexual feelings. This complexity is normal, and many individuals experience similar feelings of attraction towards different genders at different times in their lives.

It’s important to give yourself the time and space to explore these feelings without judgment. Understanding your sexual orientation is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take your time to figure it out. You may also find it helpful to speak with a mental health professional who specializes in sexual orientation and identity. They can provide a safe space for you to discuss your feelings and help you navigate your thoughts and experiences.

In summary, your experiences and feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be confused. Sexual orientation can be fluid, and many people find themselves attracted to different genders at various points in their lives. The key is to be patient with yourself and seek support if you feel overwhelmed. Remember, there is no rush to label yourself, and exploring your feelings is a natural part of understanding who you are.

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