Talking to oneself and cursing at others?
I tend to be somewhat reserved and quiet in front of my colleagues, often unsure of how to respond to them because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I choose not to speak.
However, I manage to cooperate and interact well at work.
I just lack confidence in my own work abilities.
Frequently, on my way home after work, I reflect on awkward encounters with my colleagues and sometimes interpret their glances or expressions as signs that they dislike me.
This leads me to curse out loud while riding my bike, using expletives like "damn" and "f* you," and I even find myself shouting for my colleagues to die.
Occasionally, I accidentally say "die" at work, only to realize that I've unintentionally voiced my inner thoughts.
I really don't want to behave this way, but I care a lot about whether others dislike me.
Since entering the workforce over a year ago, the pressure of interpersonal relationships has been quite overwhelming.
I've done some reading on this matter; could you tell me if the above behaviors are considered "elimination or counteraction" behaviors? Is it possible to change this?
Ke Ke, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/06/08
Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry
It sounds like this has caused quite a bit of disruption in your life.
I recommend seeking medical attention and undergoing psychological therapy.
Dr.
Wu En-Liang.
Reply Date: 2022/06/08
More Info
Understanding self-talk and its impact on mental health in the workplace is crucial, especially for individuals who struggle with social interactions and self-esteem issues. Your experience reflects a common challenge faced by many in professional environments, particularly those who may be introverted or have anxiety about social situations.
Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue we have with ourselves, which can significantly influence our emotions and behaviors. In your case, it seems that your self-talk is often negative, especially when you perceive social interactions as awkward or when you feel judged by your colleagues. This negative self-talk can lead to increased anxiety, decreased self-esteem, and even outbursts of frustration, as you've described.
When you find yourself replaying embarrassing moments or interpreting a colleague's expression as disapproval, it can create a cycle of negative thinking. This cycle often leads to heightened emotional responses, such as anger or frustration, which you express through cursing or yelling. While these reactions may provide a temporary release, they can also exacerbate feelings of guilt or shame afterward, further impacting your mental health.
It's important to recognize that these behaviors—such as cursing at colleagues or expressing frustration inappropriately—are often coping mechanisms for deeper feelings of insecurity and anxiety. They can be seen as forms of "displacement," where you project your internal frustrations outward. This is a common psychological response, but it can be detrimental to your relationships and overall workplace environment.
To address these issues, consider the following strategies:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Engage in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) practices that focus on identifying and challenging negative thoughts. For instance, when you catch yourself thinking that a colleague dislikes you based on their expression, try to reframe that thought. Ask yourself if there is concrete evidence for that belief or if it is a projection of your insecurities.
2. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you experience negative emotions. Instead of berating yourself for feeling anxious or awkward, acknowledge that these feelings are part of being human.
3. Communication Skills Training: Consider seeking out workshops or resources that focus on improving communication skills. This can help you feel more confident in social interactions and reduce the fear of saying the wrong thing.
4. Professional Support: If these feelings persist and significantly impact your daily life, it may be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help you navigate these challenges.
5. Journaling: Keeping a journal can be a helpful way to process your thoughts and feelings. Write down instances of negative self-talk and then counter them with positive affirmations or evidence that contradicts those thoughts.
6. Practice Positive Self-Talk: Make a conscious effort to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. For example, instead of thinking, "Everyone hates me," remind yourself of times when colleagues have appreciated your contributions or when you've successfully collaborated with others.
7. Set Realistic Goals: Focus on setting achievable goals for your interactions at work. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for small, manageable steps, such as initiating a brief conversation with a colleague or asking for feedback on your work.
In conclusion, while it may feel challenging to change these ingrained patterns of self-talk and behavior, it is entirely possible with practice and support. By implementing these strategies, you can work towards a healthier mindset, improve your interactions with colleagues, and ultimately enhance your overall mental well-being in the workplace. Remember, change takes time, and being patient with yourself is key to this journey.
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