Overcoming Social Anxiety: A Journey Through Depression and Fear

Emotion, Adaptation, Psychology

Hello, doctor.
I apologize for sending such a long message to disturb you.
During my school years, I was often bullied, which has led to severe social anxiety.
I was diagnosed with depression in high school and experienced serious self-harm behaviors.
However, I later decided to stop my medication on my own because I didn't want to keep going to the hospital, and I managed to get by.
But recently, as I returned to school, I inevitably have to face social situations.
I constantly feel like the people around me are talking about me, and I even fear that they will come over and hit me at any moment.
When I get home, I find myself laughing uncontrollably until I cry, and then I cry more and feel increasingly helpless.
I can socialize like a normal person, but I don't understand why I start crying uncontrollably as soon as I relax.
My hands shake uncontrollably, my mind feels foggy, I experience nausea, chest tightness, and inexplicable pain in various parts of my body.
I feel a strong dislike for boys and a fear of girls; I instinctively flinch whenever they come near me.
Sometimes, I feel an inexplicable fear, and just hearing the word "friend" makes me anxious.
I don't know if I have expressed this clearly, but I truly don't know what to do.
I am really scared.
Sometimes, I have strange thoughts in my mind, like being beaten by classmates or even strangers.
Before this, I consulted many therapists, doctors, and counseling centers, but they all said I had no issues.
However, I feel like there is something strange bubbling up inside me, and I constantly feel like something is wrong with me, as if I am going crazy.
I feel scared when I see people while walking down the street, and I really don't know what to do.

Ting, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/10/01

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
It seems that emotional issues have been troubling you for many years and have affected your physical and mental health.
Regardless of whether it has reached the level of a disorder, it is important to seek improvement to prevent worsening.
Although you have already sought medical attention, it may not yield immediate results in the short term, so it is essential to continue follow-up visits.
Additionally, establishing a long-term counseling channel, such as calling the Ministry of Health and Welfare's 1925 Mental Health Hotline, may be beneficial.

Reply Date: 2022/10/01

More Info

Overcoming social anxiety, especially when intertwined with depression and fear, is indeed a complex journey that many individuals face. Your experience reflects a profound struggle that is not uncommon among those who have faced bullying, mental health challenges, and the pressures of social interactions. It’s important to acknowledge the weight of what you’re feeling and to understand that seeking help is a vital step in this journey.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that social anxiety can manifest in various ways, including the physical symptoms you described—trembling hands, chest tightness, and feelings of nausea. These symptoms can be overwhelming and often lead to a cycle of fear and avoidance. The fear of being judged or harmed by others can create a heightened state of anxiety, making social situations feel threatening. This is compounded by past experiences of bullying, which can leave lasting emotional scars and contribute to a pervasive sense of distrust and fear in social settings.

Your feelings of helplessness and the emotional rollercoaster of laughing until you cry, followed by feelings of despair, are indicative of the emotional dysregulation that often accompanies anxiety and depression. It’s not uncommon for individuals with these conditions to experience intense emotional swings, which can be confusing and distressing. The fact that you have previously engaged in self-harm is a significant indicator of the depth of your pain, and it’s understandable that you would want to avoid returning to that state.

It’s concerning that you have sought help from various professionals and have been told that you do not have a problem. Mental health issues can sometimes be difficult to diagnose, especially when symptoms are complex or when individuals have developed coping mechanisms that mask their struggles. It’s essential to find a mental health professional who understands the nuances of social anxiety and trauma. A therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) may be particularly beneficial, as these approaches can help you develop coping strategies and address the underlying fears and beliefs that contribute to your anxiety.

In addition to therapy, medication may also be a viable option to consider. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can help stabilize mood and reduce anxiety symptoms, making it easier to engage in therapy and social situations. It’s important to have an open dialogue with a psychiatrist who can evaluate your symptoms and discuss the potential benefits and risks of medication.

Moreover, practicing self-compassion is vital. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of negative self-talk, especially when feeling overwhelmed. Remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can also help ground you in moments of acute anxiety.

Building a support network is equally important. Surround yourself with understanding friends or family members who can provide emotional support. If you feel comfortable, consider joining a support group for individuals with social anxiety or depression. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly validating and can help reduce feelings of isolation.

Lastly, take small steps towards facing your fears. Gradually expose yourself to social situations in a controlled manner, starting with less intimidating environments. Celebrate small victories, and be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey. Recovery is not linear, and it’s important to acknowledge every step forward, no matter how small.

In conclusion, overcoming social anxiety, especially when intertwined with depression and fear, is a multifaceted process that requires time, patience, and support. By seeking professional help, practicing self-compassion, and gradually facing your fears, you can begin to reclaim your sense of safety and confidence in social situations. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for a brighter future.

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