Struggling with Perfectionism: A Stay-at-Home Mom's Mental Health Journey

I am a cleanliness-obsessed mother?

Hello, I am a housewife and a mother.
Before I married my husband, I had a moderate level of cleanliness.
However, after the birth of my children and as they grow older, I have noticed that my obsession with cleanliness has become more severe.
What used to be a normal routine of household chores has now turned into a daily necessity to mop the floors, sweep, hang laundry, wash clothes, and so on.
I find myself using the broom almost ten times a day, and I don't overlook any visible area in the house.
Honestly, it's exhausting.
Even when I want to take a proper rest and tell myself not to do anything, there is a voice in my head that keeps telling me to get those tasks done.
I have been trying to control my obsession with cleanliness.
Should I see a doctor or find ways to relax? I keep telling myself that we should rest on weekends and not clean, but that voice in my head just won't go away.
The pressure I feel has become quite painful.
Currently, I live with my mother-in-law, whose behavior tends to make the house messy, which frustrates me and leads me to quietly tidy up.
I can't help but feel that the house is either not clean enough or too clean, leaving no room for any mess.
I have taken on the full-time responsibility of managing the household while also working, and it often feels like I am handling everything alone without any help, which is overwhelming.
Please, doctor, could you give me some advice?

Ms. Lu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/11/27

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, it seems that you need some rest.
The situation resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder, and it is indeed advisable to seek treatment at a nearby mental health facility.
Dr.
Wu Enliang.

Reply Date: 2022/11/27

More Info

It sounds like you're experiencing a significant amount of stress and pressure related to your perfectionism and the expectations you have for yourself as a stay-at-home mom. It's important to recognize that while wanting a clean and organized home is a common desire, when it starts to interfere with your well-being and happiness, it may be time to reassess your approach.

Perfectionism can often lead to feelings of anxiety, frustration, and even burnout. The constant need to maintain a spotless environment can create an overwhelming sense of obligation, making it difficult to relax or enjoy time with your family. This is especially true when you feel that you are the only one managing household tasks, which can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment.

Here are some strategies that may help you cope with your perfectionism and find a healthier balance in your life:
1. Set Realistic Standards: It's essential to recognize that perfection is unattainable. Instead of aiming for a spotless home, consider setting more realistic cleaning goals. For example, you might decide that certain areas of the house only need to be cleaned once a week instead of daily. This can help reduce the pressure you feel to constantly clean.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you notice that voice in your head urging you to clean, try to acknowledge it without acting on it. Deep breathing exercises or meditation can help you create a sense of calm and reduce anxiety.

3. Delegate Responsibilities: If possible, involve your family in household chores. This not only lightens your load but also teaches your children valuable life skills. You might consider creating a chore chart that assigns specific tasks to each family member, making it a shared responsibility rather than solely yours.

4. Schedule Downtime: It's crucial to carve out time for yourself to relax and recharge. Schedule regular breaks where you can engage in activities that bring you joy, whether that's reading, taking a walk, or simply enjoying a cup of tea. Allowing yourself to rest can help combat feelings of guilt associated with not cleaning.

5. Seek Professional Help: If your perfectionism is causing significant distress and impacting your daily life, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. A therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your perfectionism and develop coping strategies tailored to your needs.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking that the house must be perfect, challenge that thought. Ask yourself what would happen if it weren't perfect. Often, the consequences we fear are not as severe as we imagine. This can help you reframe your thinking and reduce anxiety.

7. Connect with Others: Sharing your experiences with other moms or joining a support group can provide you with a sense of community and understanding. Knowing that others face similar challenges can help you feel less isolated and more supported.

8. Focus on the Positive: Instead of dwelling on what needs to be cleaned, try to focus on the positive aspects of your home and family life. Celebrate small victories, like spending quality time with your children or enjoying a moment of peace, rather than fixating on imperfections.

In conclusion, it's essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Perfectionism can be a heavy burden to carry, but with the right strategies and support, you can find a healthier balance that allows you to enjoy your role as a mother without the constant pressure to achieve perfection. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take time for yourself. Your well-being is just as important as maintaining a clean home.

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