Struggling to Communicate: Navigating Workplace Challenges in Psychiatry - Psychiatry

Why does everyone have difficulty understanding what I want to express?

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I recently started working at a hospital, and my job is divided among three departments (A, B, and C; I belong to department A).
It's been a month now, and I heard that before I arrived, the workload was distributed among everyone, but since they were overwhelmed, they decided to hire someone.
After I reported for duty, no one taught me anything, and I had to figure things out on my own.
Every day, I would bring work home and back up my work data on my home computer, as it gave me a sense of security.
I finally became familiar with my current job responsibilities.
Recently, a senior member from department B has been trying to increase my workload, but these tasks belong to department B, not A.
During meetings, my supervisor defended me, but when the senior member became assertive, my supervisor compromised (even though my supervisor's rank is higher).
Initially, the senior member from department B introduced me to the hospital and mentioned that if I was deemed unsuitable after my three-month probation period, she had the authority to recommend my dismissal to my supervisor.
She has repeated this statement multiple times, which has left me feeling a lack of belonging.
Since starting work, I've begun to experience restless sleep; if I drink water or use the bathroom at night, I wake up after three minutes and find it hard to fall back asleep.
As a result, I often feel exhausted.
I tend to double-check my work multiple times but hesitate to submit it to my supervisor.
When I finally do submit it, I often discover minor errors two to three days later but am too afraid to correct them for fear of being reprimanded, which only increases my anxiety.
Since no one from department B is teaching me, I have to look up information myself, but my computer was not functioning at the time, so I had to seek help from others, which was difficult as they were hard to find.
I feel helpless because no one from the three departments acknowledges me as part of their team; everyone shifts responsibility onto each other.
When I need assistance, everyone claims I belong to their department.
Recently, I've noticed that I struggle to understand what they are saying, and they also seem to misunderstand my intentions.
Is there something wrong with me? Since no one is willing to teach me, I have to rely on research to catch up, but others perceive me as being idle.
After finally getting my computer working, I started creating reports, but when others saw my progress, they would ask, "Is the report not ready yet after all this time?" It feels like I am doing everything wrong, whether it's working or researching.
What exactly am I supposed to do right? I remember when I was acting in a previous position, everyone was very supportive of me, saying I was incredibly well-behaved and had no temper.
However, now that my office is isolated, I feel very alone.
Additionally, I have a fear of crowds because people often comment on my weight, which I gained due to illness, but my colleagues (the doctors and nurses) mistakenly believe it is due to overeating.
Therefore, I try to avoid crowds whenever possible.
Recently, the senior member from department B has been piling on more work without providing guidance, and I feel increasingly pressured.
I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point.
I work on the 10th floor, but there are no windows in the office.
When I look out into the hallway, I often feel an impulse to jump.
I am now very afraid of going to work, feeling overwhelmed by many tasks but unable to handle any of them well.
I want to leave, but jobs are hard to come by.
I want to stay, yet I feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles every day.
Sometimes I have to work on Saturdays, and when the stress builds up, I seek comfort from my mom because I can't help but feel like crying every day.
My colleagues say my mom is very smart, so why am I not like her? I look forward to weekends, but when I have to work on Saturday or after the weekend, I start to feel irritable.
I feel very helpless now and no longer dare to communicate with my colleagues because I can't understand what they are saying, and they don't understand what I am trying to express.
The senior member from department B pressures me relentlessly, and if I can't produce results, she constantly berates me.
If I don't understand her instructions, she becomes angry, and the more upset she gets, the less I comprehend her words and the less I dare to ask questions.
If I have a question and she happens to be on leave, she gets upset.
Recently, I've wanted to explore other resources to understand the new tasks, but I find everything incomprehensible and have started to resist looking at those materials.
I feel increasingly distressed; the more I read, the more confused I become.
I truly don't know what to do.

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Youzi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/06/05