Emotional Responses: A Student's Struggle with Anxiety and Authority

Regarding emotional responses?

Hello, I am a girl who will be entering the third year of junior high school this year, living in Keelung.
Our school's class system assigns the same homeroom teacher to the same group of students for three years.
I have had health issues since childhood, and during the summer before entering first year, I began experiencing habitual stomach pain.
In the first year, I underwent an endoscopy, which showed no significant problems, only signs of inflammation.
Since then, I have frequently taken sick leave due to stomach pain, and I have provided medical certificates to my homeroom teacher.

My homeroom teacher, who is almost forty and is a follower of a religious sect, has personal issues that prevent her from having children.
However, for some reason, her behavior has been quite erratic.
For example, she requires us to recite certain scriptures during morning self-study and has taken the whole class to their religious center in Keelung multiple times.
During my first year, I often took leave, and she would come to my house to scold me, not just me but other students as well, using similar reprimands.
She often imposed her subjective views on us, which did not reflect the reality of our situations.
Each time, I would end up crying after being scolded for two to three hours, and she would even insult my family.
Afterward, she would forcefully take me to school on her motorcycle.
This pattern repeated throughout my first year.
Towards the end of the first year, I finally stood up to her, but she grabbed my left arm with great force and threw me to the ground.
I remained on the floor, and eventually, she backed off and stopped coming to my house to scold me.
In the second year, my stomach issues worsened, and I took over a hundred days off, yet my grades remained good.
Occasionally, she would still scold me in front of the class, similar to what happened in the first year.
By the second semester, I began to dread going to school, and while it wasn't as severe in the second semester, I still had some reluctance.
If a junior high student misses school for three days, the homeroom teacher can initiate a dropout process.
However, I always took leave due to illness.
Once, after missing three days, she came to my house to scold me again, threatening that if I didn't return the next day, she would start the dropout process.
Perhaps it was the shock of the situation, but I attended school the next day, and this cycle repeated three or four times.
One particularly memorable instance was when I missed four days of school.
I felt overwhelmed and didn't want to see her, leading to feelings of disgust, inferiority, and fear.
I locked myself in my room and didn't leave until the fourth evening when my math tutor came to talk to me after hearing about my situation from my mother.
We talked for about two hours, but just as he was leaving, my homeroom teacher arrived and forced him to leave.

I felt a mix of anger and disgust upon seeing her.
To my surprise, she accused me of having a romantic relationship with my tutor, claiming my eyes looked like those of a girl in love.
Hearing this made me want to curse; my tutor is a whole decade older than me, and I found him repulsive.
She began to scold me, but I remained silent, staring blankly ahead.
She held my hands tightly, yelling that my demeanor towards my tutor was different from how I treated her.
I continued to ignore her, and after several repetitions of this, somehow, it ended, and she left.
The next day, I went to school and was not dropped out.
About a month or two ago, I took three days off due to illness, and when I returned, the guidance counselor called me in.
My best friend informed me that my homeroom teacher had mentioned discussing my situation with the counseling office.
During the meeting, the counselor spoke a lot, which was more of a reprimand than a conversation, threatening that if I continued to miss school, I would be marked as a dropout.
Throughout this, I maintained a polite demeanor, but eventually, I was forced to meet with her every Friday.
After several classes, the head of the counseling office came to my class and accused me of having thoughts of refusing to attend school, claiming my illness was just an excuse.
I felt very wronged and nearly cried but held it back.
She also said I hadn't followed the proper procedures for taking leave, but I had, and I always brought medical certificates to my homeroom teacher.
I wondered if my teacher had withheld them.
Even worse, my homeroom teacher publicly stated that I needed to provide three medical certificates for three days of absence, while other students only needed to call her to excuse their absence without needing to provide certificates.
Later, due to the situation with the counseling office, I sought help from the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Department at Chang Gung Memorial Hospital in Keelung.
I had seen a doctor there in fifth grade, but due to high patient volume, I ended up seeing a different doctor who claimed he didn't treat adolescent cases.
The next day, I returned to the original doctor, who was kind and reviewed my records from three years ago but didn't prescribe any medication or require a follow-up.
The following week, I saw the fifth-grade doctor again, but he only prescribed medication without providing any real help.
I didn't take the medication due to fear of side effects, especially after experiencing discomfort from Paroxetine, which made me dizzy and nauseous.
Two weeks ago, during a follow-up, I told the doctor that I felt nauseous upon seeing my homeroom teacher.
He didn't say much and prescribed Paroxetine, Sulpiride, and Fludiazepam.
However, after researching, I found that Sulpiride could cause irregular menstrual cycles, and due to the discomfort from Paroxetine, I decided not to take it.
A few days ago, on the day of the midterm exam (June 29), I felt nauseous just hearing or seeing my homeroom teacher, leading to multiple episodes of vomiting, although nothing came out.
This happened repeatedly within an hour, and she was the only one who triggered such a reaction.
My friends were shocked.
The next day, June 30, during the promotion ceremony, I saw her again while transitioning to a new classroom and ended up vomiting in the hallway several times.
On July 1, I returned for an earlier follow-up, but the doctor still didn't say much, only advising me to try the medication to see if it would help.
Honestly, I don't like taking Western medicine, but the doctor insists I do.
I really don't know what to do, and even when I express my concerns, he still wants me to take the medication.

I would like to ask how to address this issue since I only react this way to my homeroom teacher.
I have one more year left, and the thought of seeing her makes me feel sick.
I am distressed because after vomiting, I usually feel exhausted, even though I don't actually vomit anything.
I hope to receive your guidance.
Thank you!

Xue, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/07/02

Dr. Chen Meizhu reply Psychiatry

Hello,
I apologize for the delay in my response due to annual leave.
It seems that you are experiencing significant distress, and the issues you described in your letter appear to be quite complex.
It may be difficult to resolve them through correspondence alone.
Therefore, I recommend that you have a thorough discussion with your physician.
In addition to pharmacological treatment, please ask your doctor to refer you to other professionals for psychosocial therapy, and to assist you in communicating with school personnel and adapting to the school environment.

Wishing you all the best!

Reply Date: 2005/07/02

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of stress and anxiety related to your school environment, particularly with your teacher and the way she interacts with you and your classmates. Your physical symptoms, such as stomach pain and vomiting, are likely manifestations of this anxiety. It’s important to understand that emotional distress can often lead to physical symptoms, and what you are experiencing is not uncommon among students facing similar pressures.

First, let’s address the emotional aspect. It seems that your teacher's behavior has created a hostile environment for you. The fact that she has verbally abused you and has made you feel uncomfortable in your own home is concerning. This kind of treatment can lead to feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and even depression. It’s crucial to recognize that you are not alone in feeling this way; many students face challenges with authority figures in educational settings, and it can be incredibly distressing.

Your physical reactions, such as vomiting when you see or hear your teacher, suggest that your body is responding to the stress in a very real way. This is known as a psychosomatic response, where psychological stress manifests as physical symptoms. It’s essential to address both the emotional and physical aspects of what you are experiencing.
Here are some steps you can take to help manage your situation:
1. Seek Support: It’s vital to talk to someone who can help you navigate this situation. This could be a trusted family member, a school counselor, or a mental health professional. They can provide you with support and guidance on how to handle your teacher's behavior and your feelings about it.

2. Document Everything: Keep a record of any incidents involving your teacher, including dates, what was said or done, and how it made you feel. This documentation can be helpful if you decide to report her behavior to school authorities.

3. Consider Professional Help: Since you have already seen a doctor, it might be worth seeking a second opinion or finding a therapist who specializes in adolescent mental health. They can help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and stress.

4. Explore Coping Mechanisms: Engage in activities that help reduce stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that you enjoy. Finding healthy outlets for your emotions can be beneficial.

5. Communicate with School Authorities: If you feel safe doing so, consider discussing your situation with a school administrator or counselor. They may be able to intervene or provide additional support.

6. Medication Consideration: If you are hesitant about taking medication due to side effects, discuss your concerns with your doctor. There are various treatment options available, and it’s important to find one that you feel comfortable with.

7. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Remember, you deserve to feel safe and supported in your educational environment. It’s essential to advocate for yourself and seek the help you need to navigate this difficult situation. You are not alone, and there are people and resources available to help you through this.

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