Struggling with Identity: Seeking Help for Unwanted Behaviors and Feelings - Psychiatry

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Troubled for a long time?


I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that.

Tongxue, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/07/26

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry


(1) Am I mentally ill for doing this? According to the diagnostic criteria for mental disorders, the term "disorder" refers to the impact on social and occupational functioning, which is determined by the level of distress.
If the distress is severe, it may be considered a type of disorder.

(2) Do I have homosexual tendencies? Some individuals who identify as homosexual may have a desire for gender transition, but having a desire for gender transition does not necessarily mean one is homosexual.

(3) How can I stop this behavior? It would be advisable to first seek an evaluation at a psychiatric outpatient clinic to discuss how to stop the behavior or whether it is necessary to stop, as further discussion is needed to understand the situation better.

(4) Should I tell my parents about this? Parents play an important supportive role in family relationships, but whether to tell them and how to communicate this depends on the nature of your relationship and communication style with them.

(5) I am afraid to swim or wear revealing clothes, and I don't dare to meet girls because others will surely notice that I have breasts.
Is there a way to eliminate my breasts? If the breast development is caused by medication, it is recommended to stop using contraceptives and galactagogues.

(6) If I can't stop, how do I face myself? Do I have to live as a strange person for the rest of my life? This is a matter of self-identity, which cannot be easily addressed with a few simple answers.
It is recommended to seek psychological therapy to better understand oneself in order to find answers.

Reply Date: 2006/07/26

More Info


It sounds like you are experiencing a complex set of feelings and behaviors that are causing you significant distress. It's important to approach this situation with compassion and understanding, both for yourself and for the challenges you are facing. Let's break down your questions and concerns.

1. Is this behavior indicative of a mental health issue?
Your behaviors suggest that you may be grappling with issues related to identity, self-expression, and possibly underlying psychological distress. Engaging in cross-dressing or using items typically associated with another gender can be a form of self-exploration or expression. However, if these behaviors are causing you significant discomfort, distress, or interfere with your daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can help you explore these feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

2. Do these behaviors indicate a homosexual inclination?
Sexual orientation is a complex and personal aspect of identity. Engaging in behaviors typically associated with another gender does not necessarily mean you have a homosexual inclination. It could be a form of gender expression or exploration. Understanding your sexual orientation may take time and self-reflection. It’s important to explore these feelings without judgment and to consider speaking with a therapist who can help you navigate your feelings about gender and sexuality.

3. How can I stop these behaviors?
Stopping behaviors that have become habitual can be challenging. It may help to identify triggers that lead to these behaviors and develop healthier coping strategies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing compulsive behaviors and helping you develop new patterns of thinking and acting. A therapist can work with you to create a plan that includes setting goals, finding alternative activities, and gradually reducing the behaviors that are causing you distress.

4. Should I tell my parents about this?
Sharing personal struggles with family can be daunting, especially if you fear their reaction. Consider whether you feel safe and supported by your parents. If you think they would be understanding, it might be beneficial to share your feelings with them. However, if you believe they may not react positively, it might be wise to first seek support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop a plan for discussing this with your parents.

5. Can I eliminate the physical changes I’ve experienced?
If you are concerned about physical changes, such as breast development, it is essential to consult with a healthcare professional. They can provide guidance on whether these changes are reversible and discuss any potential health implications. It’s important to approach this topic with a medical professional who understands your situation and can provide appropriate advice.

6. How do I face my identity if I can’t stop these behaviors?
Accepting oneself can be a difficult journey, especially when grappling with feelings of being different or “strange.” It’s crucial to remember that everyone has unique aspects of their identity. Finding a supportive community, whether through therapy, support groups, or online forums, can help you feel less isolated. Embracing your identity, whatever it may be, is a process that takes time. A mental health professional can assist you in exploring these feelings and finding a path that feels authentic to you.

In conclusion, it’s essential to seek help from a qualified mental health professional who can provide support and guidance tailored to your specific situation. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate your feelings and behaviors. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking the first step toward understanding yourself better is a positive move forward.

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