Real and False Emotions
Dr.
Duan: Hello! I have developed feelings for a male classmate at school.
I know he has feelings for me as well.
When I first started school and was feeling down, I reached out to him to share my troubles.
Although it felt strange, he encouraged me to keep going! We later chatted online, and he asked why I was concerned about him.
I replied that I didn't really understand the reason! In truth, I was smitten with him from the start, and I genuinely didn't know I would like him! He often sits next to me in class and would occasionally touch me, but after I glared at him, he stopped.
However, he always waits for me before and after class and once said he would accompany me for four years until graduation.
He also mentioned that I could ask him about subjects I find difficult.
That was last semester.
When I asked him again this semester (in February), he surprisingly said he never promised to accompany me to graduation and that he wouldn't make such a commitment.
Yet, since last semester, he has consistently paid attention to me and cared about everything concerning me.
A month ago, when I called him, he even comforted me! My classmates have seen him holding hands with another female classmate.
When I asked him about his relationship with her, he said she has a boyfriend, but he also mentioned that he could hold my hand too! I really don't understand if he is sincere towards me.
I just want someone to rely on, a partner I can like and trust! Is it really that difficult to find a boyfriend who cares for and accepts me? It's so frustrating! Thank you!
Xiao Mi Hu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2007/04/25
Dr. Duan Yongzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello: It is human nature to seek a partner with mutual affection and trust, but not everyone finds this process to be smooth.
If you encounter setbacks or disappointments, these can often serve as valuable learning opportunities.
The next time you meet someone you admire, you will be better equipped to engage in a healthier manner, thereby increasing your chances of success! I suggest you not to rush; after all, there will be many opportunities in the future to meet even better matches.
Don't limit yourself! Wishing you all the best!
Reply Date: 2007/04/25
More Info
Navigating relationships can be incredibly complex, especially when mixed signals are involved. From a psychiatric perspective, understanding the underlying emotions and behaviors can provide clarity and help you make informed decisions about your relationship.
In your situation, it seems you are experiencing a whirlwind of emotions regarding your feelings for this boy. You mentioned that you initially reached out to him during a tough time, which can create a bond based on vulnerability. This bond may have led you to develop feelings for him, especially since he has shown signs of caring for you, such as sitting next to you in class and offering support. However, his mixed signals—like his denial of making promises about the future and his interactions with another girl—can understandably leave you feeling confused and anxious.
Mixed signals in relationships often stem from a variety of factors, including individual emotional states, past experiences, and communication styles. For instance, the boy's behavior might reflect his own uncertainties or fear of commitment. He may genuinely care for you but is not ready to define the relationship or make promises. This can be particularly common among young adults who are still figuring out their own identities and relationship dynamics.
From a psychological standpoint, it's essential to consider your emotional needs and boundaries. You mentioned wanting a partner who is caring and supportive, which is entirely valid. However, it's crucial to assess whether this individual can meet those needs consistently. Mixed signals can lead to emotional distress, as they create uncertainty and insecurity. If you find yourself constantly questioning his intentions or feeling anxious about his actions, it may be beneficial to take a step back and evaluate the relationship's impact on your mental health.
Communication is key in any relationship. If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings and the confusion surrounding his behavior. Expressing your thoughts can provide clarity and may help both of you understand each other's perspectives better. It's important to approach this conversation with an open mind, as he may have his own reasons for his actions that you are unaware of.
Additionally, it might be helpful to reflect on your own emotional state. Are you seeking a relationship to fill a void or to find companionship? Understanding your motivations can help you navigate your feelings more effectively. If you find that your emotional well-being is heavily dependent on this relationship, it may be worth exploring these feelings further, possibly with a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and support as you work through your emotions and help you develop healthier relationship patterns.
Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being. If the relationship continues to cause confusion and distress, it may be worth considering whether it's in your best interest to pursue it further. Remember, a healthy relationship should provide support, understanding, and mutual respect. If these elements are lacking, it may be time to reassess your involvement and consider what you truly want in a partner.
In conclusion, navigating mixed signals in relationships can be challenging, but understanding your feelings, communicating openly, and prioritizing your emotional health are crucial steps in finding clarity. Relationships should enhance your life, not complicate it, so take the time to reflect on what you truly want and need.
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