Overcoming Childhood Fears: Finding Authenticity and Self-Acceptance

Q: Overcoming Childhood Fears: Finding Authenticity and Self-Acceptance

Hello SINES： Scientists conducted an experiment where they divided dogs into two groups. <br>Both groups were subjected to mild electric shocks, but the difference was that the first group of dogs could press a lever in front of them to stop the current, while the lever had no ef

The impact of childhood?

The doctor's questions reminded me of the happy times I had as a child playing tag with my cousins, when my father would scold us, saying, "What’s so funny? What are you laughing at?" (in Taiwanese).
Although I’ve grown up and thought that perhaps this was just a way to discourage us from running around due to potential dangers, the memory is still vivid.
I wonder if this is the reason I "fear authority." Is it because I am afraid to show my true self? Showing my true self might lead to being disliked or rejected—what’s so funny about that? What’s there to be happy about? Are you confused about the situation? These thoughts often arise, making me want to trust others and express my authentic self (a deep inner desire), but I also feel a bit scared.
Recently, it seems that too many people make me feel like they are in positions of authority! I feel the need to gain their approval and make them like me, which gives me a sense of fear of potential repercussions.
I then find myself trying to figure out how to please them while worrying if they will actually like me.
This situation feels inexplicable, and I get frustrated with myself for being so fearful at my age.
I should not be as anxious as I was before, especially since I have accumulated a lot of experience interacting with people.
Why does it seem that as I grow older, I am more troubled? I should have more experience to cope with these feelings! I should care about the people who matter—if I don’t achieve the perfection others expect of me, will there be negative consequences? The negative consequence is that I see the "disappointment" in others, like during high school when my classmates either went to National Taiwan University, National Chengchi University, or National Chiao Tung University, while I...
disappointed my parents.
I always end up losing to myself and fail to see my own worth.
Even though I graduated a long time ago, why am I still living in the past? I even avoid attending reunions with former classmates because I don’t want to confront those memories (even though I endlessly reflect on them internally).
The negative consequences often manifest in my mind first, and the most painful part is that I seem to punish myself repeatedly.
It feels like others are not truly criticizing or belittling me, but I can’t help but perceive their expressions and gazes as disappointment, reflecting my inadequacies, which makes me feel even more anxious, as if I can’t do anything right.
How can I release myself from these feelings? How can I find new possibilities from past experiences and family dynamics? How can I empower myself? Thank you.

sines, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2010/03/02

Dr. Chen Yuying reply Psychiatry

Hello SINES: Scientists conducted an experiment where they divided dogs into two groups.
Both groups were subjected to mild electric shocks, but the difference was that the first group of dogs could press a lever in front of them to stop the current, while the lever had no effect for the second group.
After the first phase of the experiment, the scientists placed both groups of dogs in a room with obstacles and administered mild electric shocks again.
The dogs in the first group immediately jumped over the obstacles to escape the electrified room, while the dogs in the second group did not attempt to escape; instead, they lay on the ground, helplessly enduring the painful sensation.
Do you feel like you resemble the second group in the experiment? When you were a child, you may have been scolded by your parents and felt their disappointment, which caused you distress, much like receiving an electric shock, but you couldn't escape.
As a result, these painful impressions lingered in your mind.
As you grew up, when faced with similar situations, you still felt fear and helplessness.
When you leave the family dynamics and past experiences, like escaping the electrified area in the experiment, the obstacles in front of you are surmountable, yet you hesitate to jump.
You ask me how to empower yourself.
What you may have forgotten is that the strength has always been within you; you just lost the courage to try, which prevents you from showcasing your strength.
If you want to avoid the feeling of pain, give yourself a chance to jump over the obstacle in front of you! Each time you overcome an obstacle, you will become less fearful of others' opinions and less worried about disappointing them.
The strength you seek has always been there, waiting for you to reveal it.
Just like you mustered the courage to ask this question on this website, that is already your first step in jumping over the obstacle, isn't it? Wishing you all the best.
Dr.
Chen

Reply Date: 2010/03/02

More Info

Overcoming childhood fears and finding authenticity and self-acceptance is a complex journey that often requires introspection and a willingness to confront past experiences. Your reflections on childhood experiences, particularly the reprimands from your father during moments of joy, highlight a common theme in many people's lives: the internalization of authority figures' expectations and the subsequent fear of expressing one's true self.

The feelings you describe—fear of authority, anxiety about being judged, and the pressure to meet others' expectations—are not uncommon. Many individuals grapple with the fear of rejection or disappointment, especially when they have experienced criticism or disapproval in formative years. This fear can manifest as a reluctance to show one's authentic self, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety in social interactions.

To begin addressing these feelings, it is essential to recognize that the power to change lies within you. Here are some strategies that may help you reclaim your sense of self and foster self-acceptance:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by acknowledging the emotions you experience when you think about your past. It's okay to feel hurt or confused by your childhood experiences. Writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic way to process these feelings.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself thinking that you need to please others or fear their disappointment, challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if they are based on reality or if they stem from past experiences. Often, our minds can exaggerate the potential consequences of being authentic.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress. Self-compassion can help you accept your imperfections and reduce the fear of judgment.

4. Gradual Exposure: Start small by expressing your authentic self in low-stakes situations. This could be sharing your opinions with close friends or trying new activities that reflect your true interests. Gradually increasing your comfort level can help reduce anxiety over time.

5. Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these feelings. Professional guidance can provide you with tools to cope with anxiety and build self-esteem.

6. Reframe Your Narrative: Instead of viewing your past experiences as limitations, try to see them as opportunities for growth. Reflect on how overcoming these challenges has shaped you into the person you are today.

7. Focus on the Present: While it’s essential to understand your past, try not to let it dictate your present. Engage in mindfulness practices that help you stay grounded in the moment, reducing the tendency to ruminate on past disappointments.

8. Set Realistic Goals: Establish personal goals that prioritize your well-being over others' expectations. This could involve pursuing hobbies, building new relationships, or simply taking time for self-care.

9. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This practice can help reinforce a positive self-image and motivate you to continue on your path toward authenticity.

10. Connect with Like-Minded Individuals: Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. Building a supportive community can help you feel more secure in expressing your true self.

In conclusion, overcoming childhood fears and finding authenticity is a journey that requires patience and self-reflection. By acknowledging your feelings, challenging negative thoughts, and gradually exposing yourself to new experiences, you can cultivate a sense of self-acceptance and empowerment. Remember, it’s okay to seek help along the way, and you are not alone in this journey. Embrace the process, and allow yourself the grace to grow and evolve.

Similar Q&A

Struggling with Identity: Navigating Anxiety and Self-Perception

In elementary school, I was chubby and not exactly bullied, but I had a bit of a princess complex, feeling somewhat on the fringes. During the summer before middle school, I dieted and tried to learn the behaviors of popular kids, which helped me make many friends; that was my fi...

Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry
Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can sense your emotions and anxiety. However, I also notice that you have a clear understanding of your thoughts and feelings, which is crucial for future changes. The emotions you mentioned are likely concerns shared by many, such as the...

Overcoming Fear and Insecurity: A Guide for High School Students

Hello, doctor! I am a high school sophomore, and I often feel that I am not as good as others. I tend to think negatively (though sometimes I can think positively) and lack self-confidence, often hesitating and feeling dazed. My reactions are slow, and when I encounter fear or ne...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello Anny: Everyone has different personality traits, strengths, and interests. Just because someone is different from others doesn't mean they are inferior. In today's social culture, the acceptance of individuals with diverse traits is increasing. Confidence must be ...

Struggling with Self-Doubt: A Journey Through Mental Health Challenges

Hello, Doctor! I am a very well-behaved child who has always done things well and rarely gets scolded; I am the kind of person who is loved by my elders. However, even until now, I may still be a naive and easily bullied person. My change in self-perception began about two or thr...

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello, it seems that there are indeed some negative emotions in the text, and they have been troubling you for a while. I hope you can seek information on stress management and emotional intelligence (EQ) to learn some self-adjustment methods for managing stress and emotions. You...

Overcoming Fear of Conversations: A Guide for Mental Health Challenges

Since childhood, I have struggled to refuse others; I would agree to any request within my ability. After being bullied in junior high, I began to fear hearing others speak once I entered high school. At school, I started having difficulty understanding what my classmates were sa...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello Ms. Huang: When a person experiences anxiety and fear, they may sometimes encounter a phenomenon similar to a brain freeze, where they are unable to receive information or think clearly. It seems that your level of anxiety is quite high, and you are also exhibiting some sym...