Finding Happiness: Navigating Life's Uncertainties and Loneliness

What kind of life do you envision?

I have always felt that I am not very happy.
When I see others, they seem to know how to live life well, buying what they want and doing what they wish, having a sense of belonging with family and children.
However, when others ask me, "You can do it too! What kind of life do you want? Just buy what you want!" I respond, "I just want to be a bit happier." Yet, I don't understand why I still feel like I can't live the life I want (as if I need a stable job to do whatever I want) or perhaps I should say: I can't envision what kind of life I desire.
I feel lost and don't want to do anything.
I am a wandering teacher, and I often feel sad for myself, not knowing where my future lies.
Yet, when teaching my students, I always talk about the bright side of life and various values such as helping others and self-confidence, which makes me feel contradictory.
I have always studied hard since childhood, step by step, but now I worry about where my next meal will come from and where my job will be for the next school year.
I don't know if it's because I'm turning 30 that I'm feeling so reflective, or if it's because I've been a substitute teacher for many years and recently feel completely unmotivated and lack any goals (in the past, I might have thought that one day I could pass an exam, but now it feels completely impossible after so many years).
I don't know what to do.
I used to not feel bothered about spending weekends alone; I could enjoy watching Korean and Japanese dramas and wandering around by myself, even preferring not to have too many people around.
But now, I feel lonely without any friends to talk to.
What can I do to make my life feel a bit different and more vibrant? Thank you, and I sincerely ask for your advice.
^-^

neu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/04/09

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello! Basically, I am not undergoing psychotherapy, nor am I someone who fully understands how to enjoy life.
I don't have any significant mental health issues, so I may not be able to provide the best answers! However, since you asked, perhaps we can exchange ideas from a non-professional perspective.
Our surroundings and ourselves are constantly changing every moment.
Fortunately, most of these changes are subtle and do not require us to constantly adapt to various life changes.
However, after a period that seems unchanging, if we extend our comparison to a more distant point in time, the differences can become relatively significant.
Those who live in a state of indulgence and waste time may need such realizations to motivate themselves.
Conversely, those who are tormented by current pressures and suffering may also need this perspective to encourage them that their hardships will eventually pass, and they should bravely hold on until the storm clears.
For most of us, including myself, I believe that living in the moment and making the most of each day should be sufficient.

Additionally, what is the meaning of life, and what are our life goals? Fortunately, this is not a difficult question that psychiatry needs to answer! In my view, at the very least, meeting basic needs, maintaining human dignity, and having meaningful connections with others are enough.
I have seen some people with excessively high expectations and self-demands, and they often lead very tense lives, experiencing unhappiness more frequently! Perhaps mainstream societal consciousness and values encourage endless pursuits, which drive human progress; however, for us as individuals, what constitutes a reasonable goal? When should we know when to stop? How do we determine what is enough and that we do not need more? Instead, we should share and help others.
It seems that our societal atmosphere lacks this value, leading us to frequently fall into panic and distress over feelings of inadequacy! Simply existing in this world is a sacred and valuable thing; can we learn that we do not need excessive additional value to feel that our existence is meaningful?
Of course, if job stability is lacking and even meeting basic needs becomes problematic, we must take this seriously and prepare in advance! Additionally, our thoughts can sometimes be influenced by our emotions.
Depressed individuals may become more pessimistic than before! This is also one possibility that needs clarification! Lastly, your question is somewhat outside my area of expertise, but I am obliged to respond according to regulations.
Therefore, my answer is purely a personal opinion, and subjective errors are inevitable; please take it as a reference! If there are any unsatisfactory or even offensive aspects, I kindly ask for your understanding! Wishing you all the best, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2011/04/09

More Info

Finding happiness in life, especially during times of uncertainty and loneliness, can be a challenging journey. It seems you are grappling with feelings of dissatisfaction and confusion about your life direction, which is not uncommon, particularly as you reach significant milestones like turning 30. Many people experience similar feelings of disillusionment, especially when comparing their lives to others who appear to be thriving.

First, it's essential to recognize that happiness is subjective and can vary greatly from person to person. What brings joy to one individual may not resonate with another. It’s also important to understand that societal pressures often create unrealistic expectations about what a fulfilling life should look like, leading to feelings of inadequacy when we don’t measure up to those standards.

You mentioned feeling lost and unable to articulate what kind of life you want. This is a crucial point. Sometimes, the pressure to define our goals can be overwhelming, especially when we feel we are not where we "should" be in life. It might be helpful to take a step back and allow yourself the space to explore your interests and passions without the pressure of immediate outcomes. Consider engaging in activities that you once enjoyed or trying new hobbies that pique your interest. This exploration can help you reconnect with what brings you joy and fulfillment.

Additionally, it’s vital to address the feelings of loneliness you’ve expressed. Building and maintaining social connections can significantly impact your mental well-being. While it may feel daunting, reaching out to friends, family, or even colleagues can help alleviate feelings of isolation. You might also consider joining community groups or classes related to your interests, which can provide opportunities to meet new people and foster connections.

Your role as a teacher, despite the challenges you face, is also a valuable aspect of your life. You have the opportunity to inspire and impact your students positively. Reflecting on the moments when you feel fulfilled in your teaching can help remind you of your purpose and the positive influence you have on others. It’s okay to acknowledge your struggles while also recognizing the good you bring to the world.

If you find that these feelings of sadness and confusion persist, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance as you navigate these emotions. They can help you develop coping strategies and work through the underlying issues contributing to your feelings of unhappiness.

Lastly, consider practicing mindfulness and self-compassion. Mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the small moments of joy in your daily life, while self-compassion encourages you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding during difficult times. Remember, it’s okay to feel lost and uncertain; these feelings are part of the human experience.

In summary, finding happiness amidst uncertainty involves self-exploration, building connections, and seeking support when needed. Allow yourself the grace to navigate this journey at your own pace, and remember that it’s okay to ask for help along the way. Life is a continuous process of growth and change, and with time, you may find clarity and joy in unexpected places.

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