Overcoming Past Trauma: Seeking Help for Sleep and Mental Health Issues

Please help me?

Hello, doctor.
I had a hard time falling asleep last night, and this has been happening frequently since the summer vacation.
The reason it takes me so long to fall asleep is that my mind keeps dwelling on past negative experiences, which makes me so upset that I can't sleep.
Since the summer, I don't know why, but I've often faced these issues, and they have been bothering me for quite some time.
Back in my third year of junior high, I was pinned down on a bed by a male classmate in the school dormitory.
He spread my legs and kept his hands on my private area, refusing to let go until I answered some trivial questions he asked, like "The entrance exam is coming up; you need to focus and promise me not to read novels anymore." I repeatedly asked him to let go, but he wouldn't until a long time had passed.
There were many roommates in the dorm at the time, but everyone acted as if they didn't see anything.
Before this incident, he had also locked me in a bathroom.
If we were to describe it accurately, it could be considered bullying.
Due to the harassment, I reported it to my homeroom teacher and the school officer during the second semester of my third year.
Both the officer and the teacher had a talk with him, but he only promised the officer that he "wouldn't do it again" and never apologized to me in person, nor did he face any punishment from the school.
Perhaps this is why I often feel that I haven't settled the score with him.
At that time, my parents were unaware of these incidents.
It wasn't that I was threatened and afraid to speak out; rather, my relationship with my parents was quite poor, and they rarely checked my communication notebook, so they were uninformed.
After entering high school, I still cared about this incident and would sometimes think about it, which made me uncomfortable.
Eventually, I talked about it with a teacher I was close to on MSN.
The teacher expressed anger and encouraged me to tell my parents, saying that it would feel better to speak out rather than keep it bottled up.
I eventually told my parents, and for a while, they were very angry and saddened for me.
They promised to find that classmate and have him apologize to me, but nothing ever came of it.
I didn't pursue it further, but this incident didn't affect my focus on life during my first year of high school; it just occasionally caused me discomfort and anger.
However, this lingering discomfort, combined with some interpersonal relationship setbacks during junior high, led to a low point in my life.
I sought help from a mental health specialist.
During my second year of high school, I went to study abroad in Canada.
Before leaving, I decided to let go of the past and not think about the various incidents that had occurred in junior high, aiming to start a new life in a completely new environment without negative memories.
In Canada, I was very happy and content, hardly thinking about the past, and I achieved unprecedented happiness due to successful interpersonal relationships.
However, after a year, I was forced to return to my previous junior high school to repeat my second year of high school.
After that year in Canada, I healed my psychological wounds on my own without any treatment and had no negative memories or shadows.
I became mature, stable, confident, and charismatic.
Returning to Asia, I was a much stronger person than before, and I had no issues interacting with my junior classmates; I had a good social circle.
But in the following semester, I started to experience a decline.
Many issues, such as conflicts with juniors and personal problems, began to surface.
This class severely lacked a sense of humor, leading to me being labeled as naive and foolish.
Many people often mocked me, ridiculed me, or verbally provoked me.
At that time, I was already capable of completely ignoring such things and was skilled at handling them.
However, over time, I gradually forgot how to protect myself from getting hurt and how to confidently cope with situations, leading me to care more and feel angry.
Since the summer vacation, I have often felt sad about this, and perhaps that's why I started thinking about that classmate who bullied me in junior high.
Consequently, my mind couldn't stop dwelling on these two matters, and I found it almost impossible to chase away these thoughts.
Many negative memories and thoughts followed, causing chest tightness and excessive sweating, which have affected my daily life.
Sometimes it's manageable, but at other times, it's severe.
Although I have tried hard to build a positive mindset, it has been in vain.
I have attended Carnegie courses and read many books, attempting to use any methods I have learned, such as telling myself, "Don't harbor revenge against enemies," and "What others say doesn't define my life," but these thoughts are almost ineffective or only last for a few days before I continue to feel sad, angry, and anxious.
I find that any advertisement or dialogue I see connects me to those negative memories.
It feels like there is a mental demon in my head constantly opposing me, forcing me to think about those negative thoughts.
I even feel as if I have a split personality, desperately telling myself not to think about those things, yet my mind cannot stop.
I don't want to waste my energy and time on this "invisible and meaningless struggle." Sometimes, I can't focus on tasks.
I don't know how to regain the powerful positive energy I once had.
Last night, I had just finished watching a movie with friends, but I couldn't sleep before going to bed because those thoughts resurfaced in my mind.
I even thought about finding that person and beating him up, inflicting serious injury.
I want revenge, believing that would ease my anger and resolve the fundamental issue.
I might care so much because he is also male, and the humiliation he inflicted on me was significant.
Since this issue has been troubling my sleep and life for three to four weeks, I really don't want to continue wasting time and energy on it.
I want to enjoy my summer vacation and completely resolve this problem, so I have come here for help.

795, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/07/24

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, thank you for your letter and for sharing your detailed thoughts and feelings! First, I want to encourage you that since things can change from good to bad, they can also change from bad to good.
Generally, maintaining this attitude towards life can help minimize feelings of frustration and despair.
Your past experiences abroad indicate that you have strong capabilities in various aspects.
Now that you are back in your home country, the cultural differences and variations in interpersonal interaction can create adaptation stress, which may lead to symptoms similar to depression or anxiety; this is quite common.
Additionally, the way our brain processes memories is significantly influenced by our emotions.
When a person is depressed, they tend to recall negative and unpleasant memories, which we usually forget or can dismiss when we are in a good mood.
However, during depressive episodes, these negative memories can become quite powerful, exacerbating our pessimistic thoughts.
You mentioned past experiences of bullying that may not have been adequately addressed, leading to heightened sensitivity now.
However, you also had a period in Canada where you were able to live without the shadow of that event affecting you.
This suggests that changing your mood and thoughts can render past painful memories powerless, allowing you to live happily.
Therefore, I suggest that you let go of regrets about past events that have already occurred.
In reality, those events are in the past and can never harm us in the present; they are merely like a dream or a scene from a movie.
As long as we release them, there will be no trace of those events left in this world.
If you are feeling down and experiencing persistent insomnia, and wish to recover quickly to avoid wasting your precious summer vacation, you might consider seeing a doctor for medication, which could expedite your recovery.
Lastly, I remind you that if you do see a doctor, it would be beneficial to discuss your happy times in Canada as well, to assess whether they are part of your emotional fluctuations.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/07/24

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing significant distress related to past trauma, which is impacting your sleep and overall mental health. The feelings you describe—intrusive thoughts about past events, difficulty sleeping, and emotional turmoil—are common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other trauma-related conditions. It’s important to acknowledge that you are not alone in this struggle, and seeking help is a crucial step toward healing.

First, it’s essential to understand that trauma can have long-lasting effects on mental health. The experience you described in middle school, where you felt violated and unsupported, can lead to feelings of anger, sadness, and anxiety that may resurface later in life, especially when triggered by similar situations or environments. The fact that you were able to find some relief during your time in Canada shows that healing is possible, but returning to a familiar environment may have reactivated those unresolved feelings.

Here are some strategies that may help you cope with your current situation:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s crucial to talk to a mental health professional who specializes in trauma. They can provide you with a safe space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have been effective for many individuals dealing with trauma.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga, can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety. These techniques can also improve your sleep quality by promoting relaxation before bedtime.

3. Establish a Healthy Sleep Routine: Create a calming bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. This may include activities such as reading, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing music. Avoid screens and stimulating activities before bed, as they can interfere with your ability to fall asleep.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It allows you to express what you’re going through and can help you identify patterns in your thoughts that may need addressing.

5. Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with friends or family members who understand your situation and can provide emotional support. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can help alleviate feelings of isolation.

6. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain environments or situations trigger memories of your past trauma, try to limit your exposure to them when possible. This may involve avoiding specific social situations or finding ways to cope when you encounter triggers.

7. Engage in Positive Activities: Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, volunteering, or spending time in nature, engaging in positive experiences can help shift your focus away from negative thoughts.

8. Consider Medication: If your symptoms are severe and impacting your daily life, discussing medication options with a psychiatrist may be beneficial. Medications can help manage symptoms of anxiety and depression, allowing you to engage more fully in therapy and other healing practices.

Remember, healing from trauma is a journey that takes time and patience. It’s okay to seek help and take the necessary steps to prioritize your mental health. You deserve to live a fulfilling life free from the burdens of past experiences. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family. You are taking a courageous step by seeking help, and that is a significant part of the healing process.

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