Why Do We Constantly Compare Ourselves to Others on Social Media?

Always love to compare with others?

Hello, doctor.
My life is not bad; I have a very caring husband who is considerate and financially stable.
However, when I see things my friends post on Facebook, I feel like they are showing off.
Whether it's food or items, I never post anything myself.
If I did, wouldn't that also be a form of showing off? Although everyone says it's about recording their lives, when I see those posts, I can't help but think, "I've eaten there too" or "I have that as well." A while ago, a friend mentioned traveling abroad, and I knew she would definitely post about it, but she didn't post anything or check in.
When I asked her if she went, she said yes, but I thought to myself, "She must be lying; she didn't go and is just trying to show off how well she's doing."
Another friend said she couldn't afford to decorate her new home and could only buy simple furniture.
Hearing that made me feel reassured, but I wouldn't mock her.
After a while, she told me she was discussing decoration with a designer, which made me uneasy again.
I asked her, "Did you end up finding a designer?" She changed the subject and ignored me, and I thought, "She must not have found one; she's just pretending to have done so to show off."
I can't directly confront these issues because I'm afraid my friends will realize I'm comparing myself to them.
My husband bought me designer items, but I didn't mention it unless my friends asked.
When I did share, one friend immediately said, "Oh, I received the same thing last year." I thought, "Is she trying to compete with me?" I'm not the type to want what others have; I always measure things within my means.
However, seeing all this makes me feel a constant sense of comparison.
I believe some of my friends are genuinely kind, but in similar situations, I feel like they are competing with me.

Nowadays, people talk about flaunting wealth, showing off love, and posting what they think are beautiful photos to receive compliments and likes.
I want to ask, do people really compare themselves to each other in secret? I feel like everyone loves to post about how well they are doing, and very few share their struggles.
Why do people keep posting? Is it really about showing off, or is it my mindset that's not normal? I feel like life is a constant comparison from the moment we are born.
Doctor, when you see your friends' posts, do you also find yourself comparing?

kuki, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2013/05/04

Dr. Zhang Jiafen reply Psychiatry

Hello, comparison is one of the driving forces behind human progress.
Everyone has experienced this to some extent.
As the saying goes, "Comparing oneself to others can lead to dissatisfaction," because no one is perfect.
However, this imperfection motivates us to strive towards our ideal state.
Therefore, the mindset of "comparison" can be acceptable, but we should pay attention to whom we are comparing ourselves—ourselves or others? The answer should be self-evident.
Comparing ourselves to others, whether in terms of winning or losing, does it bring any real happiness to our lives? Additionally, you mentioned in your text that "when seeing what friends post on Facebook, it feels like they are showing off." Perhaps this can be interpreted differently; for instance, friends may want to share their happiness with us.
A single event can be interpreted from many angles, but learning how to interpret it positively and joyfully is a life lesson that everyone needs to learn.
Wishing you peace and joy.

Reply Date: 2013/05/04

More Info

The phenomenon of comparing ourselves to others, particularly on social media platforms like Facebook, is a complex interplay of psychological, social, and cultural factors. In your case, it seems that despite having a fulfilling life with a caring partner and financial stability, you find yourself feeling inadequate when viewing the curated lives of others online. This is a common experience in today's digital age, where social media often presents an idealized version of reality.

Firstly, it's important to understand that social media is a highlight reel of people's lives. Most individuals tend to share their successes, happy moments, and achievements, while the struggles and mundane aspects of life are often left unshared. This selective sharing can create a distorted perception of reality, leading viewers to believe that others are living perfect lives. When you see friends posting about their travels, new purchases, or happy moments, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison, thinking that you should be experiencing the same level of happiness or success.

Your feelings of discomfort when seeing friends' posts can stem from a few psychological concepts. One is the "social comparison theory," which suggests that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others. This can lead to feelings of envy or inadequacy, especially when you perceive others as having more or doing better than you. It’s also worth noting that this comparison is often unconscious; you might not even realize you’re doing it until it affects your mood.

Moreover, the fear of being perceived as "showing off" or "bragging" can also contribute to your reluctance to share your own experiences. You mentioned that you don’t post much on social media, which may indicate a desire to avoid the very comparisons you feel others are making. This is a common sentiment; many people feel that sharing their achievements might invite judgment or envy from others.

Your observations about friends who may be exaggerating their circumstances or downplaying their struggles reflect a broader societal trend where individuals feel pressured to present an idealized version of themselves. This can lead to a cycle of comparison, where you might question the authenticity of others' experiences, thinking they are trying to impress or compete with you. This mindset can create a barrier to genuine connection, as it fosters distrust and anxiety in relationships.

To address these feelings, it may be helpful to shift your perspective on social media. Instead of viewing it as a competition, consider it a platform for connection and inspiration. Recognize that everyone has their struggles, even if they are not visible online. Engaging with friends in meaningful conversations about their lives, beyond what is posted, can help foster deeper connections and reduce feelings of comparison.

Additionally, practicing gratitude can be a powerful tool to combat feelings of inadequacy. By focusing on the positive aspects of your own life and acknowledging your achievements, you can cultivate a more positive self-image. Journaling about what you are thankful for or reflecting on your personal goals can help reinforce your sense of self-worth, independent of others' experiences.

Lastly, if these feelings of comparison and inadequacy persist and significantly impact your well-being, it may be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide strategies to help you navigate these feelings and develop a healthier relationship with social media and self-perception.

In conclusion, comparing ourselves to others on social media is a widespread issue influenced by various psychological and social factors. Understanding the nature of social media, practicing gratitude, and fostering genuine connections can help mitigate these feelings of inadequacy and promote a healthier self-image. Remember, everyone has their unique journey, and it’s essential to focus on your path rather than the curated lives of others.

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