the Pressure of Comparison in Mental Health

Higher expectations

Hello Doctor: In your last reply, you mentioned that people can choose their comparison targets, which means choosing to compare themselves to themselves.
However, it feels like I cannot achieve true free will.
Is it really something I can decide? If so, why do I still find myself comparing with others? Another concern is that you mentioned if I am not performing as before, it may be due to various factors.
However, I often encounter the pressure of having previously performed at a certain level, leading others to think, "So you can definitely do it." This creates a lot of pressure because every time I overcome a challenge, a higher standard is set for me.
I start to think that maybe just meeting a certain level would be enough, but that doesn't seem right either.
With this mindset, if I achieve something, I am expected to do even better; if I don't achieve it, I am told that I clearly can do it because I have done it before, leading to doubts about whether I am giving my all.
Could you help me identify where my blind spots might be? Thank you.

te, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/06/27

Dr. Zhang Jiafen reply Psychiatry

Hello, many people often face the judgment from themselves and others when they cannot meet the standards set by themselves or others.
However, whether one has truly given their best effort should not be determined by others, but rather felt by oneself.
Therefore, it is important to clarify a few things (these are also life philosophies that each of us needs to learn): 1.
Distinguish whether this goal is something you want to achieve or something others expect you to achieve.
2.
Are the people, circumstances, and various internal and external factors at that time conducive to achieving this goal? 3.
Most importantly, even if you fail this time, it does not mean it is a permanent failure, unless you deny yourself the opportunity to try again.
On the other hand, every failure has its reasons, and no one goes through life without encountering failure.
So, by shifting your perspective, isn't this also a way to accumulate courage and opportunities for facing future failures? Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2012/06/27

More Info

Hello! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. It sounds like you are grappling with a complex interplay of self-comparison, pressure from past performance, and the expectations that come with it. This is a common struggle in today's society, where social media and cultural norms often amplify the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Let's break down your concerns and explore some strategies to help you navigate these feelings.

Understanding Comparison and Its Impact on Mental Health
The act of comparing ourselves to others is deeply ingrained in human psychology. It can serve as a motivational tool, pushing us to improve and strive for success. However, when this comparison becomes a constant source of anxiety and self-doubt, it can lead to detrimental effects on mental health, including feelings of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety.
You mentioned feeling unable to escape the cycle of comparison, despite the notion that you can choose your comparison targets. This feeling of being trapped can stem from various factors, including societal pressures, personal insecurities, and past experiences. It’s essential to recognize that while you may not have complete control over your feelings, you can develop strategies to manage them.

The Pressure of Past Performance
You also highlighted the pressure that comes from having previously achieved certain standards. This phenomenon is often referred to as the "performance trap," where past successes set a benchmark that feels increasingly difficult to meet. The expectations from yourself and others can create a cycle of stress and anxiety, leading to a fear of failure.
It's important to understand that performance can fluctuate due to numerous factors, including changes in circumstances, mental health, and even external pressures. Just because you have succeeded in the past does not mean you are obligated to maintain that same level of performance indefinitely.

Strategies to Cope with Comparison and Pressure
1. Shift Your Focus: Instead of comparing yourself to others, try to focus on your personal growth and achievements. Set individual goals that are meaningful to you, and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. This can help you cultivate a sense of self-worth that is independent of external validation.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that everyone has ups and downs, and it's okay to not always be at your best. Self-compassion can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy and reduce the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies comparison.

3. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If social media or certain environments exacerbate your feelings of comparison, consider limiting your exposure to them. Curate your online experience to follow accounts that inspire and uplift you rather than those that trigger negative feelings.

4. Reframe Your Thoughts: When you catch yourself comparing, try to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, "I should be as successful as them," consider, "I am on my own journey, and my path is unique." This shift can help reduce the pressure you feel.

5. Seek Support: Talking to a mental health professional can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy can also help you explore the underlying reasons for your comparison tendencies and work through them.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help ground you in the present moment and reduce anxiety related to comparison and performance pressure.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while the pressure of comparison and the weight of past performance can feel overwhelming, it is possible to navigate these challenges with the right strategies and support. Remember that mental health is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. By focusing on your unique path and practicing self-compassion, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself and your achievements. If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your experiences. Take care!

Similar Q&A

Overcoming Comparison: Finding Happiness Beyond Academic Pressure

Hello Doctor: A few days ago, I read a news article discussing how comparing oneself to friends can lead to unhappiness, especially for those who feel uncertain about themselves. It mentioned that the best approach is to be content and not blame external circumstances. I have bee...

Dr. Chen Yuying reply Psychiatry
Hello Soul: First, I want to apologize for the delay in my response, which has been a month and a half. Regarding how to regain motivation in life, you have already provided your own answer—you mentioned that you only feel happy when you are in class or spending time with childre...

Navigating Academic Pressure: Insights on Mental Health and Connection

During my school years, I felt the pressure of academic advancement, where the emphasis was heavily placed on obtaining diplomas. At that time, I was in a class that ranked at the bottom, which made it difficult for me to feel happy. Influenced by a singular value system, I began...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello: I suggest you focus on your current life, making it more fulfilling and meaningful, which should help you feel more grounded. Wishing you all the best.

Should I Seek Help? Navigating Mental Health Challenges in Exam Pressure

Hello, doctor. I am a student who has been retaking exams for two years. During the high school entrance exam, I did not perform well and ended up in a high school that I did not want to attend. Initially, I resisted this situation, but then I fell into despair and even had suici...

Dr. Cai Yunlin reply Psychiatry
Hello, A-Kai. In response to your question, my answer is affirmative. As you mentioned, your condition has improved after receiving treatment. The treatment of mental disorders encompasses three aspects: biological, psychological, and social. Pharmacotherapy is one component of t...

Struggling with Decision-Making: Understanding Your Mental Health

Dr. Chiu: Recently, I often find myself unable to make decisions and hesitate for a long time (several days). I feel a bit dizzy in my head, and about every two days, there are one or two things I can't decide on, which makes it difficult for me to concentrate in class (unab...

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello. Modern society is constantly changing, bringing both advantages and disadvantages. There are various sources of stress that can lead to physical and mental distress, which require adjustment and confrontation. Consider it a part of personal growth and experience. I suggest...