Social Anxiety: Misconceptions of Pride and Isolation

Social anxiety and reluctance to speak are often misunderstood as pride or being aloof?

I am a patient with social anxiety.
Since childhood, I have not liked to talk and dislike group living, but others often misunderstand me as being proud and unwilling to interact, which has led to constant criticism from elders.
I have difficulty expressing myself, and on my educational journey, I have fallen behind others in social skills due to teachers having a poor impression of me.
With the New Year approaching, I am facing social gatherings with relatives and friends, and the pressure is overwhelming.
I don't know how to cope with this situation.

Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/02/04

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, social anxiety is quite common among us Easterners.
However, the presence of outgoing and lively individuals in social settings often dominates the interactions, which can increase our pressure and make us feel unique and strange.
In reality, many people share the same struggles you face; perhaps in a social situation, you are not among the few who feel the most pressure.

The simplest approach is to practice muscle relaxation and diaphragmatic breathing, as anxiety manifests both physically and psychologically, and these two aspects often occur together and can be alleviated together.
Our psychological anxiety tends to have a compulsive nature, making it difficult to overcome, so it is easier to start with the body, which can relax more readily.
Anxiety causes muscle tension and shallow, rapid breathing; if we can relax our muscles and breathe steadily and naturally, we will feel less tense.
Additionally, many of us experience social anxiety because we perceive ourselves as having certain flaws or shortcomings, fearing that others will notice or even ridicule us.
In fact, most people are preoccupied with their own concerns and are not constantly observing others.
In social situations, unless we are the main focus or center of attention, everyone is engaged in their own conversations.
If we don’t speak much, they will naturally talk about themselves.
Moreover, it is beneficial to avoid labeling ourselves with social anxiety, as this can create a preconceived notion that leads to defeat before we even engage in social situations.
What may not be a big deal can become daunting if we allow ourselves to be intimidated.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/02/04

More Info

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is a condition that affects many individuals, often leading to significant distress in social situations. Your experience of being misunderstood as proud or aloof due to your social anxiety is unfortunately common. Many people with social anxiety struggle with feelings of isolation and the misconception that they are simply unfriendly or arrogant. This misunderstanding can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and frustration, particularly during social gatherings such as family reunions or holiday celebrations.

To clarify, social anxiety is characterized by an intense fear of being judged or scrutinized in social situations. This fear can manifest in various ways, including physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, or a racing heart, as well as cognitive symptoms such as excessive worry about how one is perceived by others. It's crucial to understand that these reactions are not a reflection of one's character but rather a response to anxiety.

The pressure to engage in social interactions, especially during festive seasons, can be overwhelming. Here are some strategies to help you cope with social anxiety, particularly in the context of family gatherings:
1. Preparation: Before attending a social event, prepare yourself mentally. Think about potential topics of conversation or questions you can ask others. This can help reduce anxiety by giving you a sense of control over the interaction.

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that it's okay to feel anxious. Set achievable goals for yourself, such as engaging in one conversation or staying for a specific amount of time. This can help you feel accomplished without overwhelming yourself.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help calm your mind and body before and during social interactions. Focusing on your breath or the sensations in your body can help bring you back to the present moment and reduce anxiety.

4. Seek Support: If possible, bring a supportive friend or family member with you to social events. Having someone you trust can provide comfort and make it easier to engage with others.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Work on identifying and challenging negative thoughts about yourself and your social abilities. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can be particularly effective in reframing these thoughts and reducing anxiety.

6. Communicate Your Needs: If you feel comfortable, consider explaining your social anxiety to close family members. This can help them understand your behavior and reduce misunderstandings.

7. Gradual Exposure: Gradually expose yourself to social situations. Start with smaller gatherings before progressing to larger ones. This can help build your confidence over time.

8. Professional Help: If your anxiety feels unmanageable, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy, particularly CBT, has been shown to be effective for social anxiety. Medication may also be an option for some individuals.

It's important to remember that you are not alone in your experiences. Many individuals face similar challenges, and with the right strategies and support, it is possible to manage social anxiety effectively. The key is to be patient with yourself and recognize that progress may take time. As you navigate social situations, focus on small victories and celebrate your efforts to engage with others, even if it's just a little at a time.

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