High school interpersonal issues?
In middle school, my interpersonal relationships were quite good.
Some people say I have a good sense of humor, and I believe that too.
However, I'm not someone who initiates social interactions; I only feel comfortable approaching quieter individuals.
When I encounter more assertive people, I tend to hold back.
Since starting high school, not many people reach out to me, and I hesitate to join their groups because I feel it would be imposing to join without an invitation.
Additionally, I'm not particularly fond of those groups, as I perceive them to be quite self-centered.
However, as more people join those groups, they often go out for meals after exams, and I feel somewhat excluded.
I know that's not entirely true, as I still have decent interactions with some members of those groups, but I often find myself being the subject of jokes, which makes me feel like a joke myself.
Furthermore, my lack of friends has led to a decline in my self-confidence, and I find myself questioning why this is happening.
I didn't have these issues before; I just wasn't very keen on joining small groups.
Sha Gang, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/04/03
Dr. Dai Wanxiang reply Psychiatry
Hello, Sha Gang: Interpersonal relationships are a crucial issue during adolescence and play an important role in shaping self-identity.
Everyone faces challenges in this area at some point during their development, and many can overcome these difficulties through the support of teachers, friends, and personal adjustments.
I wonder how much this issue has affected your emotions.
According to your writing, if the impact is manageable and does not lead to significant anxiety or depression, nor does it affect your school attendance or academic performance, but you still feel the need for assistance, you can first seek psychological counseling resources available at your school.
If, after your own adjustments and efforts, or after receiving counseling, symptoms of depression and low self-esteem continue to worsen, you may consider seeking help from a child and adolescent psychiatrist at a medical institution.
Wishing you well.
Reply Date: 2016/04/03
More Info
Navigating social challenges in high school can be particularly daunting, especially when compounded by mental health issues. Your experience reflects a common struggle many students face during this transitional period. It’s important to recognize that feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and anxiety about social interactions are valid and can significantly impact your mental health.
From your description, it seems that you have a history of being more comfortable in social situations during middle school, where you felt accepted and had a good rapport with your peers. However, transitioning to high school has introduced new dynamics that can be overwhelming. The shift in social circles, the pressure to fit in, and the fear of rejection can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
One of the key issues you mentioned is feeling excluded from social groups, particularly those that seem self-centered or uninviting. This can create a sense of alienation, making you feel like an outsider. It’s crucial to understand that social dynamics in high school can be complex and often involve cliques or groups that may not be welcoming to newcomers. This does not necessarily reflect your worth or desirability as a friend; rather, it often reflects the social structures that develop in school environments.
Your reluctance to join groups or initiate conversations with more dominant personalities is also a common experience. Many individuals struggle with assertiveness, especially in new or intimidating social settings. This can lead to a cycle where you feel increasingly isolated, which in turn can lower your self-esteem. It’s important to challenge these negative thoughts. Remind yourself of your strengths, such as your sense of humor, which can be a great asset in building connections with others.
To address these feelings and improve your social interactions, consider the following strategies:
1. Seek Support: Talk to a trusted adult, such as a school counselor or a teacher, about your feelings. They can provide guidance and support, and may help you find ways to connect with others.
2. Join Clubs or Activities: While it may feel intimidating, joining clubs or extracurricular activities that align with your interests can provide a more structured way to meet new people. Look for groups that focus on shared interests rather than social status.
3. Practice Social Skills: Start small by initiating conversations with classmates in low-pressure situations, such as during group projects or casual settings. Practicing these skills can help build your confidence over time.
4. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself thinking negatively about your social interactions, try to reframe those thoughts. Instead of thinking, "I’m not funny," remind yourself of times when you made others laugh or felt good about a conversation.
5. Focus on Quality Over Quantity: It’s better to have a few close friends than to feel pressured to fit into a larger group. Seek out individuals who appreciate you for who you are, rather than trying to conform to a group that doesn’t resonate with you.
6. Consider Professional Help: If feelings of low self-esteem and social anxiety persist, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. They can provide strategies tailored to your specific situation and help you work through these feelings.
Remember, it’s normal to feel out of place during high school, and many students experience similar challenges. By taking proactive steps to engage with others and seeking support, you can gradually improve your social interactions and build a more fulfilling high school experience. Your feelings are important, and addressing them is a crucial step toward enhancing your mental health and overall well-being.
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