Depression?
Hello, doctor.
About two years ago, I started experiencing various thoughts about death from time to time, but I have never engaged in self-harm or suicidal behavior.
I feel like I have been trying hard to suppress these thoughts about death in my mind, yet they keep recurring.
At night, when I see power lines, I have an impulse to strangle myself, and when I see a train coming while on the train, I feel a strong urge to jump in front of it...
I don't understand why I keep having these feelings.
Although I always use my rationality to suppress these thoughts that could harm my life, I worry that one day I might lose my last bit of reason...
Recently, due to some issues, I haven't been feeling well emotionally.
After reading some information about depression, I gradually realized that I might have depressive tendencies.
However, many sources say that depression causes a loss of interest in things that one used to enjoy, but I really like cats and dogs, and I still play with them when I see them.
Given my situation, could this be depression? Should I seek treatment from a mental health specialist, or could I try talking to a school counselor?
Kiwi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/07/31
Dr. Huang Jiabin reply Psychiatry
Hello: The nature of depression is not simply black and white; it is not just a state of despair when present and a paradise when absent.
Instead, it fluctuates based on environmental factors and one's mental state, as well as personal perception of emotions.
If someone is accustomed to suppressing their emotional experiences, they may not necessarily feel low during depressive episodes, although it might manifest subconsciously in their cognition or behavior.
Therefore, being able to play with pets does not mean one is free from depression.
If the school has psychological counseling resources, it is advisable to speak with a counselor to possibly identify the root of the issues.
If suicidal thoughts are very strong or if there is a plan in place, it is strongly recommended to seek immediate professional help from a mental health team for assistance.
Reply Date: 2018/07/31
More Info
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your experiences and concerns regarding your thoughts about death and your mental health. It’s commendable that you are seeking to understand your feelings and are considering the possibility of depression. Let’s break down your situation and explore the next steps you can take.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that experiencing thoughts about death does not automatically mean you are suffering from severe depression. However, these thoughts can be indicative of underlying emotional distress or mental health issues, including depression or anxiety. The fact that you have been suppressing these thoughts for two years suggests that they are significant enough to warrant attention.
Depression can manifest in various ways, and while one common symptom is a loss of interest in activities that once brought joy, it is not the only indicator. Many individuals with depression still find pleasure in certain activities, such as spending time with pets, as you mentioned. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as "anhedonia," which is the inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities, but it can vary greatly from person to person.
Your feelings of wanting to harm yourself, even if you have not acted on them, are serious and should not be ignored. It’s a positive sign that you are able to rationalize these thoughts and recognize them as harmful, but the persistent nature of these thoughts can be distressing and may indicate a need for professional support.
Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, is a crucial step. They can provide a safe space for you to explore these thoughts and feelings without judgment. A mental health professional can also help you develop coping strategies to manage these thoughts more effectively. If you are hesitant about seeing a psychiatrist, starting with a school counselor or psychologist can be a good first step. They can offer support and guidance, and if necessary, refer you to a psychiatrist for further evaluation.
In addition to professional help, there are several strategies you can implement to help manage your thoughts and feelings:
1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic way to express what you’re feeling. It can help you identify triggers for your thoughts about death and allow you to process your emotions.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce anxiety about intrusive thoughts. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can be beneficial.
3. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical activity can improve your mood and reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. Even a short daily walk can make a difference.
4. Social Support: Reach out to friends or family members you trust. Sharing your feelings with someone who cares can alleviate feelings of isolation and provide comfort.
5. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain situations or media (like distressing news or movies) exacerbate your thoughts about death, it may be helpful to limit your exposure to them.
6. Establish a Routine: Creating a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy, which can be comforting during difficult times.
In conclusion, while your ability to enjoy certain activities like playing with pets is a positive sign, the persistent thoughts about death and self-harm are concerning. It is essential to seek professional help to explore these feelings further and develop effective coping strategies. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and you do not have to navigate this journey alone.
Take care, and I wish you the best on your path to understanding and healing.
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