Sexual orientation, anxiety
Hello, doctor.
Recently, I've been feeling uncertain about my sexual orientation, which has made me quite anxious.
I often wonder if I might be gay.
Until now, I have never doubted my sexual orientation; I have always liked girls and even had crushes on a few wonderful girls.
However, since the beginning of my junior year in high school, I've inexplicably started to question my orientation, even feeling anxious about it.
Whenever I feel anxious, I obsessively work on math and science problems (I have a keen interest in these subjects) to keep my mind occupied and distract myself, but I really want to stop this cycle; I'm exhausted.
Even if I do well on school exams, it doesn't lift my spirits (I'm the type of person who feels very happy when I perform well on tests).
As mentioned earlier, I don't know why I started to doubt myself, but I've recently noticed that when I see pictures of two men together, I don't feel disgusted (which I used to feel strongly).
In fact, I sometimes think certain guys are quite attractive.
I'm not sure if this is just a form of idol worship (although I still can't imagine having sexual contact with guys I know, which feels strange to me).
Lately, I also haven't had much sexual desire; I don't feel a strong craving for girls' bodies or emotions (sorry for being so blunt), but I still seem to have feelings for girls, especially when I'm in a good mood.
I believe I should be heterosexual? (I haven't noticed any boys at school who catch my interest, but I do notice girls).
However, I really can't be certain, and I even wonder if I might be becoming gay.
I feel very helpless.
Sorry for the lengthy message; I just wanted to express my emotions.
Lastly, I want to ask, if I continue to doubt that I am gay for a long time, will I eventually become gay? Thank you, doctor!
Míngáng de gāozhōngshēng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/05/05
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hi there! Regarding the reasons for sexual orientation, they remain unclear at this time.
However, it is generally believed that sexual orientation is not something one can choose, and that innate factors play a significant role.
Therefore, you don't need to worry that questioning whether you might be gay will actually make you gay, as this is not something you can control.
During puberty, physiological changes such as hormonal fluctuations can lead to shifts in self-worth, preferences, and interests in peers.
Many individuals begin to understand the concept of "sexuality" during this stage; some may find themselves attracted to the opposite sex while also feeling drawn to the same sex.
This is a process of exploration and does not mean that being attracted to the same sex makes you homosexual, or being attracted to the opposite sex makes you heterosexual.
Typically, after this phase, most people become more certain about their sexual orientation.
In your case, it seems that you have a greater inclination towards the opposite sex, suggesting a higher likelihood of being heterosexual.
However, I'm curious about your views on homosexuality.
It's important to note that homosexuality is not a disorder; it is simply a variation of sexual orientation, and there is no need to approach it with fear or rejection.
If you find this situation troubling, I encourage you to speak with a psychiatrist, as it may help alleviate your anxiety.
Wishing you peace and health!
Reply Date: 2021/05/05
More Info
Navigating doubts about sexual orientation during adolescence can be a challenging and anxiety-inducing experience. It’s important to understand that questioning one’s sexual orientation is a common part of growing up, especially during the teenage years when individuals are exploring their identities and feelings.
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that sexual orientation is not a binary concept; it exists on a spectrum. Many people experience fluidity in their attractions and feelings as they grow and develop. It’s entirely normal to have moments of confusion or to find yourself attracted to different genders at various points in your life. The feelings you are experiencing—such as attraction to boys, feelings of anxiety, and questioning your previous beliefs about your orientation—are all part of this exploration process.
Your previous certainty about being attracted to girls does not invalidate your current feelings. It’s possible to have a primary attraction to one gender while still being open to feelings for another. This fluidity can be influenced by various factors, including hormonal changes, social environments, and personal experiences. Adolescence is a time of significant emotional and physical changes, and it’s common for individuals to reassess their feelings and attractions during this period.
The anxiety you’re experiencing may stem from the fear of the unknown and the societal pressures surrounding sexual orientation. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take your time to understand them. Engaging in activities that you enjoy, such as your interest in mathematics, can be a healthy way to cope with anxiety. However, if you find that your anxiety is overwhelming or affecting your daily life, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional who can provide support and guidance.
Regarding your concern about whether questioning your orientation could lead to becoming homosexual, it’s essential to understand that questioning does not dictate your future orientation. Sexual orientation is not a choice; it is an intrinsic part of who you are. Many people who identify as heterosexual may experience attractions to the same sex at some point in their lives without it changing their overall orientation.
If you find yourself feeling attracted to boys, it doesn’t mean you will necessarily identify as gay or bisexual. It’s about how you feel over time and what resonates with you personally. It’s also important to note that being open to the possibility of attraction to different genders does not diminish your experiences or feelings towards girls.
In terms of managing your anxiety, consider practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, which can help ground you when feelings of doubt arise. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can also be a helpful outlet for processing your emotions. Additionally, connecting with supportive friends or communities, whether online or in-person, can provide a sense of belonging and understanding.
Lastly, if you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to a school counselor or a mental health professional. They can provide a safe space to discuss your feelings and help you navigate this complex time in your life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and many others have experienced similar feelings of doubt and confusion. It’s a part of growing up and discovering who you are. Take your time, be patient with yourself, and allow your feelings to unfold naturally.
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