Emotional Dysregulation and Unrequited Love in Young Adults - Psychiatry

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Emotional Dysregulation Disorder


Hello, I am a 23-year-old male working in a mental health setting.
I often experience uncontrollable emotional outbursts, such as when a retired professor from National Chung Hsing University asked me to collaborate on a book, I became overwhelmingly excited.
Additionally, when I sent a birthday greeting to a girl I met three years ago, whom I have unrequited feelings for, I felt an intense, involuntary nervousness upon receiving her reply.
Although I have improved significantly, in the past, I would have been extremely anxious.
I have been on psychiatric medication for three years, which has exempted me from military service due to severe depression.
I am currently taking a white pill called Clomipramine.
I feel that I may be suffering from unrequited love and emotional dysregulation.
My feelings of unrequited love feel like loving an empty void.
Do you understand what I mean?

Qiu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/11/21

Dr. Chen Wenyu reply Psychiatry


Hello Mr.
Chiu: Emotional disorders refer to difficulties in managing emotions, which can include irritability, depression, anxiety, and more.
I understand your frustration with the challenges of controlling your emotions, but it's important not to overlook the fact that "it's much better than before," right? This means you have made progress, and significant progress at that, so it is crucial to continue with your treatment.
In addition to medication, it is important to make gradual adjustments to the negative emotions you perceive.
Don't rush; if you can improve just a little bit each day, over time, your emotional regulation will definitely improve.
Thank you for your letter!

Reply Date: 2005/11/21

More Info


Emotional dysregulation and unrequited love are complex issues that many young adults face, particularly in their early twenties. Your experiences reflect a common struggle with managing intense emotions and navigating the challenges of romantic feelings that are not reciprocated. Let’s break down these concepts and explore how they relate to your situation.

Emotional Dysregulation refers to difficulties in managing emotional responses. This can manifest as extreme emotional reactions, such as feeling overwhelmingly happy or anxious in response to certain situations. In your case, the excitement you feel when collaborating with a retired professor or the intense nervousness when receiving a letter from a girl you have feelings for are examples of emotional dysregulation. These reactions can be exacerbated by underlying mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety, which you mentioned you have been dealing with.

Your history of severe depression and the medication you are taking (likely an SSRI, given your mention of "克憂果," which translates to "antidepressant") can influence your emotional responses. While these medications can help stabilize mood, they may also lead to emotional blunting or, conversely, heightened emotional sensitivity in some individuals. It’s important to communicate with your healthcare provider about your experiences, as they can help adjust your treatment plan if necessary.

Unrequited Love is another significant aspect of your emotional landscape. It often involves feelings of longing and attachment to someone who does not share the same feelings. You described your feelings for the girl as "loving a bunch of air," which suggests a sense of frustration and futility in your emotional investment. This type of love can lead to feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and even exacerbate symptoms of depression and anxiety.

The combination of emotional dysregulation and unrequited love can create a cycle of heightened emotional responses. For instance, receiving a letter from the girl you like may trigger a rush of excitement, but if that excitement is not met with reciprocation, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness. This cycle can be particularly challenging to navigate, especially when you are already dealing with mental health issues.

To manage these feelings, consider the following strategies:
1. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotional states and learn to regulate them. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help you stay present and reduce anxiety.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Engaging in therapy, particularly CBT, can help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns associated with your feelings of unrequited love and emotional dysregulation. A therapist can provide you with tools to manage your emotions more effectively.

3. Journaling: Writing about your feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It allows you to express your thoughts and feelings without judgment and can help you gain clarity about your experiences.

4. Social Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can provide a listening ear. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help alleviate the burden of emotional distress.

5. Focus on Personal Growth: Redirect your energy towards personal interests, hobbies, or goals. Engaging in activities that bring you joy can help shift your focus away from unrequited love and foster a sense of fulfillment.

6. Professional Help: Since you are already under the care of a psychiatrist, continue to communicate openly about your feelings and experiences. They can help you navigate your emotional challenges and adjust your treatment as needed.

In conclusion, emotional dysregulation and unrequited love are intertwined issues that can significantly impact your mental health and overall well-being. By employing coping strategies and seeking professional support, you can work towards better emotional regulation and find healthier ways to navigate your feelings. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to understand and manage your emotions.

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