Overcoming Loneliness: A College Student's Struggle with Social Anxiety

It's been a long time, and the problem has remained unresolved?

Hello, Doctor: I am a sophomore in college, and I have been struggling with interpersonal relationships at school.
Although I can talk to people, it's only superficial interactions.
As a result, my life has not been happy for over a year.
I have been aware that this situation started when I first entered junior high school.
Back then, I lacked confidence and was unwilling to speak to others.
I would spend the entire day in class without saying a word; it was common for me to feel like an invisible person, yet I still wanted others to notice me.
This conflicting mindset has persisted from junior high through my sophomore year, and while my situation has slightly improved, I still cannot engage in deep conversations or form close connections with others.

In high school, I was troubled by my social relationships and didn't know how to change them.
I was unhappy every day, constantly worrying, and gradually developed thoughts of self-harm, feeling that if I disappeared, no one would care, and that would be fine.
My interest in school life and activities faded, as if they were no longer relevant to me.
I lost all sense of purpose, and now, many years later, the situation remains unchanged.

Doctor, I have contemplated the reasons for my feelings over the past few years, but each time I reflect, it only leads to more confusion and a deeper lack of confidence.
Now, as a sophomore, I fear saying anything wrong, struggle with my speaking abilities, and feel unnatural around others, which makes me easily anxious.
Doctor, what should I do to regain my confidence and find happiness and relaxation? If I truly need to seek help from a doctor, which department should I consult?

Xiao Hua, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/02/23

Dr. Chen Fengwei reply Psychiatry

Hello, Xiao Hua.
I apologize for not receiving your email earlier, which is why I am only now seeing your question.
The issue you mentioned has been troubling you for a long time, and it may have been a part of your life for quite some time.
You must have a long story to share, and it's difficult to fully express it through written communication online.

You can start by consulting your school counselor; some counselors have received professional training in counseling and psychotherapy, and some schools have external psychologists available.
Seeking help from your school is a good first step.
If the resources at your school are limited, you can visit a nearby hospital to see a psychiatrist.
There are medications available that can help you relax, reduce anxiety, and minimize negative thoughts, but these medications can only be obtained through a hospital.
Regardless, it is important to find a professionally trained psychologist, counselor, or psychiatrist who can spend a longer time (such as an hour) to help you understand and build trust with each other.
If medication treatment is necessary, it can be combined with therapy.
I believe your situation will gradually improve.

Reply Date: 2006/02/23

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant struggle with social anxiety and feelings of loneliness, which is not uncommon among college students. Your situation is complex, and it’s important to acknowledge the emotional weight you carry from your past experiences. Social anxiety can manifest in various ways, including fear of judgment, difficulty in initiating conversations, and a pervasive sense of isolation. These feelings can be exacerbated by the pressures of college life, where social interactions are frequent and often unavoidable.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that you are not alone in this struggle. Many students face similar challenges, and recognizing this can sometimes alleviate the feelings of isolation. Social anxiety often stems from a fear of negative evaluation by others, which can lead to avoidance behaviors, such as withdrawing from social situations or feeling uncomfortable in group settings. This cycle can perpetuate feelings of loneliness and sadness, as you may find yourself longing for connection but feeling unable to reach out.

To address your concerns, here are several strategies that may help you gradually overcome social anxiety and improve your overall well-being:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s commendable that you are considering seeking help. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or counselor, can provide you with the tools and support needed to navigate your feelings. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for social anxiety, as it helps individuals challenge and change negative thought patterns and behaviors.

2. Practice Exposure: Gradual exposure to social situations can help desensitize you to the anxiety associated with them. Start with small interactions, such as greeting a classmate or asking a simple question in class. Over time, as you build confidence, you can increase the complexity of your interactions.

3. Develop Social Skills: Consider joining clubs or groups that align with your interests. This can provide a structured environment where you can practice social skills with others who share similar passions. Engaging in activities you enjoy can also make socializing feel less daunting.

4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help you manage anxiety symptoms. These techniques can ground you in the present moment and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to the thoughts that arise when you feel anxious in social situations. Are they based on facts, or are they assumptions? Learning to identify and challenge these negative thoughts can help you develop a more balanced perspective.

6. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in social interactions, set achievable goals for yourself. For example, aim to initiate one conversation per week or attend one social event. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small.

7. Build a Support Network: Reach out to friends or family members who can provide emotional support. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help alleviate the burden of loneliness.

8. Consider Medication: If your anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life, discussing medication options with a psychiatrist may be beneficial. Medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can help manage anxiety symptoms.

In conclusion, overcoming social anxiety is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence. It’s essential to be kind to yourself as you navigate these challenges. Seeking help from a mental health professional is a positive step toward finding the support and strategies you need to reclaim your confidence and joy in social situations. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right tools and support, it is possible to find relief and build meaningful connections.

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