Competitive anxiety?
I find myself in a situation where I know I should get along with my colleagues who are taking the same exam and working in the same position as I am.
However, when I perceive that they seem to handle things more effortlessly or are more sociable and comfortable in their lives, I tend to keep my distance.
I am aware that I shouldn't feel this way, but I find myself reluctant to engage in conversations with them (though I still offer polite greetings).
I just don’t want to talk more because it feels exhausting—there's an underlying feeling of dislike that makes me feel repelled.
This leads to a sense of guilt, as if I am intentionally avoiding them.
I think if I can't genuinely face the situation, I would rather choose to hide.
Recently, I have been questioning whether this feeling reflects my own insecurities.
Why is it that I am the one suffering? I don't want to feel uncomfortable, so I opt for avoidance and polite interactions, which means I can't connect deeply.
Yet, I feel angry at myself for being unable to connect.
What is wrong with me?
Additionally, I feel troubled because I used to have a decent relationship with a colleague, but lately, our conversations feel forced.
When I express my inner anxiety, such as when asked why I feel tired, I respond with explanations about certain events.
However, I can't shake the feeling that the other person has become insincere and is only being polite, which is a confusing thought that troubles me.
I wonder what my issue is! I find myself doubting everything, which leads to an inability to move forward, and I get stuck on this problem.
These two situations seem extreme, yet they are genuinely occurring in my life, creating immense internal conflict.
On one hand, I desire someone to care about me, while on the other hand, I want to maintain distance, which is disorienting! Is this anxiety stemming from competition causing me to view others as imaginary adversaries? Is there a way to return to simply competing with myself?
ne, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/06/13
Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello, the situation you described has occurred in many people, and for most, it is just a transitional phase.
After some time, everything returns to normal.
Your concern may stem from high self-expectations or a strong regard for how friends and colleagues perceive you, which are both positive traits.
Everyone can experience moments of imperfection under certain pressures or at different stages.
I suggest being more forgiving of yourself and accepting this reality.
Sometimes, by relaxing your standards and allowing yourself more space, you may find that you perform more naturally and recover more quickly.
Wishing you all the best.
Reply Date: 2011/06/13
More Info
Navigating workplace relationships, especially in competitive environments, can be a challenging endeavor. Your feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and the desire to distance yourself from colleagues are not uncommon, particularly when you perceive others as more capable or socially adept. This situation can lead to a cycle of negative emotions, including guilt and frustration, which can further exacerbate your feelings of isolation.
Firstly, it’s essential to recognize that competitive anxiety often stems from a fear of inadequacy. When you see colleagues who seem to excel effortlessly, it can trigger feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. This is a natural human response, but it’s crucial to understand that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Just because someone appears more confident or skilled does not diminish your abilities or worth.
One effective way to combat these feelings is to shift your focus from comparison to self-improvement. Instead of viewing your colleagues as rivals, try to see them as potential collaborators or sources of inspiration. This mindset shift can help reduce the competitive tension and foster a more supportive work environment. You might consider setting personal goals that are independent of your colleagues’ performance. For instance, focus on developing specific skills or completing projects that are meaningful to you. This approach can help you regain a sense of control and purpose in your work.
Moreover, it’s important to address the feelings of guilt and frustration you experience when you withdraw from social interactions. While it’s natural to seek solitude when feeling overwhelmed, isolating yourself can lead to further feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Instead, try to engage in small, manageable interactions with your colleagues. Start with brief conversations or casual greetings, and gradually build up to more meaningful exchanges. This can help you feel more connected without the pressure of deep engagement.
If you find that your anxiety and feelings of inadequacy persist, it may be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and develop coping strategies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, can be effective in addressing negative thought patterns and building self-esteem.
Additionally, consider practicing mindfulness and self-compassion. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel anxious and that you are not alone in these experiences.
Lastly, remember that workplace dynamics can be complex, and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions in response to them. It’s essential to communicate openly with your colleagues when appropriate. If you feel comfortable, express your feelings of anxiety or discomfort in a constructive manner. This can foster understanding and may even lead to stronger relationships.
In summary, overcoming competitive anxiety and navigating workplace relationships requires a multifaceted approach. Focus on self-improvement, engage in small interactions, seek professional support if needed, and practice mindfulness and self-compassion. By shifting your perspective and taking proactive steps, you can create a more positive and fulfilling work experience. Remember, the goal is not to compete with others but to grow alongside them.
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