Overcoming Comfort Zone Challenges: Finding Purpose and Happiness

How to dare to step out of your comfort zone?

Currently, I am a substitute teacher, and a recurring scene has been appearing lately: last month, a friend was also a substitute teacher, but this month they have successfully passed the exam to become a full-time teacher (everything has changed).
It should be a moment of celebration, but it hurts deeply.
Recently, before the results of the civil service examination were announced, a friend had the courage to give up their teaching position and passed the civil service exam.
I truly envy such situations, and they often make me feel sad.
What can I do to stop thinking about it or to prevent these thoughts from entering my mind? I know it’s because I care, but how can I stop caring?
I often lack the determination and fear that I won’t succeed.
I have attempted to take the civil service exam before, but while preparing, I felt uneasy about not earning money.
I couldn’t fully commit to my studies, and every year, the salary from substitute teaching is still significantly better compared to other jobs.
With my family being tired and myself feeling exhausted, I find myself stuck in this cycle of substitute teaching year after year.
As I reach my thirties, I feel increasingly lost about the future because I don’t know if I can continue down this path.
At school, I may still be respected to some extent, and it feels like my own little world, but there is pressure as well.
However, I wonder if I can survive in the outside job market.
I haven’t even tried yet, and I’m scared—scared of making decisions, escaping this comfort zone, but also afraid of the “boiled frog” effect, where I become less competitive and unable to move forward, sighing year after year.
I have thought about whether I am unable to accept that I am not smart enough to pass the exams (because I often have thoughts like, "If only I were smarter").
I also don’t know what I can do.
How can I find peace of mind? Nowadays, I find myself not wanting to go out every week, and even when I do go out to watch a movie or travel outdoors, I don’t feel particularly happy (because deep down, it feels like a curse telling me there’s nothing to be happy about—I can’t be happy when I don’t know what the future holds).
I have also considered whether I am always teaching hope in school, telling children to study hard, but in reality, after all my years of studying, I can’t see a future for myself.
There’s a contradiction in teaching children while feeling uncertain about my own path.
Perhaps I am just playing a role to satisfy parents.
The school’s focus is on grades, and parents only feel reassured when they see good results.
As a result, I have internalized this notion that without good performance or grades, I am nothing.
Maybe I should try to explore where the problem lies, but I can’t seem to break free.
How can I walk confidently into the future and live each day meaningfully? Sometimes, I feel like a walking corpse, but this feeling is something only I truly understand.
My unhappiness is something only I know; I don’t show it to others, and they might even think I’m doing well.
What part of this process has gone wrong that I want to correct? At this age, I genuinely worry that this might be my life for good.

sel, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/09/25

Dr. Lin Junyuan reply Psychiatry

Dear Sel,
In your letter, you mentioned your desire to be more considerate at work, which is truly not easy.
After all, even under personal pressure, you still think about this aspect, indicating your strong sense of responsibility! I noticed that you described your current environment as a "comfort zone," but this title seems somewhat contradictory to the content of your letter...
because it feels like you are not stuck in a comfortable emotional state! Or perhaps you view the "comfort zone" through the lens of "no pain, no gain"?
As for whether to change your career path, we cannot make that decision for you, but I would like to offer some advice for your consideration: please honestly ask yourself, if you believe your current situation is a "relatively comfortable zone," then try to actively incorporate elements or teaching methods that you think you would enjoy while working (teaching).
This way, you can truly cultivate a sense of achievement in managing your class.
However, if you feel that your current professional situation is not what you genuinely desire, then it is indeed wise to consider adjusting your direction while you are still young! Wishing you all the best!

Reply Date: 2011/09/25

More Info

Overcoming challenges in your comfort zone, especially in the context of your role as a substitute teacher, can be a daunting task. It’s understandable to feel a sense of pain and envy when you see peers advancing in their careers while you feel stuck in a position that may not align with your aspirations. This emotional turmoil can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, which are common among individuals facing similar situations.

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge your feelings. It’s completely normal to experience envy and sadness when comparing yourself to others, especially in a competitive field like education. However, it’s crucial to redirect that energy into self-reflection and personal growth rather than allowing it to consume you. Instead of focusing on what others are achieving, consider what you can do to enhance your own situation.
One effective strategy is to set small, achievable goals for yourself. These goals can be related to your teaching methods, classroom management, or even personal development. For instance, you might aim to incorporate a new teaching technique each month or engage in professional development opportunities that can enhance your skills. By focusing on your growth, you can cultivate a sense of accomplishment that can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy.

Additionally, consider seeking mentorship or networking opportunities within the educational community. Connecting with experienced teachers can provide you with valuable insights and encouragement. They may share their own struggles and how they overcame similar feelings of stagnation. This can help you realize that you are not alone in your experiences and that many educators face similar challenges.

Moreover, it’s important to address the underlying fears that may be holding you back. You mentioned feeling anxious about the unknowns of the job market outside of teaching. It might be beneficial to explore these fears further. Consider conducting informational interviews with professionals in fields you are interested in. This can provide you with a clearer picture of what to expect and help alleviate some of the anxiety associated with making a career change.

Another aspect to consider is the importance of self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk, especially when you feel you are not meeting certain expectations. Practice being kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone has their own timeline and that it’s okay to take time to figure out your path. Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or journaling, can also help you process your emotions and cultivate a more positive mindset.

Lastly, if you find that these feelings of inadequacy and sadness persist, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with tools to manage your emotions and help you navigate your career uncertainties. They can assist you in developing coping strategies and building resilience, which are crucial for overcoming the challenges you face.

In conclusion, while it’s natural to feel discomfort when stepping out of your comfort zone, it’s essential to focus on your personal growth and well-being. By setting achievable goals, seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and addressing your fears, you can navigate this challenging period in your life. Remember, it’s not about comparing yourself to others but rather about finding your own path and purpose. Embrace the journey, and allow yourself the grace to grow and evolve at your own pace.

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