How to Let Go of Overthinking and Embrace Your True Self?

How to let go of obsessive feelings?

The book states: To curb excessive thinking, the method is to focus awareness on the information occurring in the present moment and to feel it carefully.
There is no need to deny this state; simply accept it as it is, framing it with quotes: "I am thinking about '000000'," observe your emotions, and then let it go.
However, practicing this continuously seems ineffective; letting go is not that simple.
You tend to care and think about it.

Having taken the teacher qualification exam for many years, I once withdrew from the battlefield due to my fear of failure.
Later, I repeatedly took the exam year after year, losing confidence and even fearing failure, avoiding challenges.
I even switched to national exams, which had more subjects, making me feel even less adequate.
To make a living, I returned to substitute teaching, but my heart was never at peace, uncertain about what I truly wanted.
I was afraid! Afraid of not being good enough! Afraid of not being able to teach! Therefore, I often couldn't feel ambitious about passing the exam; I just wanted to have a job.
Yet, deep down, I might have a slight desire for a stable job, especially when friends pass the exam every year, making life feel drastically different.
Rationally, I know that exams do not define everything, do not determine personal ability, and do not imply a lack of competitiveness.
However, in the context of teacher qualification exams, it seems to indeed relate to a lifetime.
It makes it impossible to draw a clear line; passing does not equal ability, and it does not equal everything.
Because passing or failing makes a significant difference in many aspects...
So the inner turmoil is: on one hand, a lack of confidence in myself, and on the other hand, having once told friends, "I really want to take a break, and I am preparing for the national exam, and I seem to struggle with management, feeling unfit to be a teacher due to setbacks in management, leading to self-doubt."
But when vacancies increase, seemingly offering a glimmer of hope, I find that deep down, I actually have a desire to pass the exam if possible.
Thus, I think about preparing for the exam, but at this moment, guilt arises.
Didn't I tell my friends I wouldn't take the exam anymore? Didn't I say I seemed unfit to be a teacher? Didn't I say I wanted to take a break? Why am I still substituting and preparing for the exam? Am I a hypocrite?? (Thinking about this makes me overly concerned about my colleagues' perceptions.
I know that life is my own, and I should strive for myself.
It should be a source of happiness to work hard for my future.
If I genuinely want to take the exam, why should others' opinions matter so much??) I know all this, but I can't seem to untie this knot.
I clearly understand that the only constant in this world is 'change' itself, and I can, of course, change my thoughts and ideas over time.

I once thought about taking a break, but perhaps the pressure of family expectations led me to choose to continue working, which involves many considerations.
I know that my classmates may not have been serious when they said, "Don't take the exam," and their advice may not suit me, but why am I so affected by others' words and perceptions, unable to let go? I care so much that I feel I shouldn't even strive for my own life, and I feel crazy for having such thoughts.
My life seems to matter less than how I care about others' opinions, as if I must fulfill what I once said to others to be a complete person, not deceiving anyone.
How should I deal with this guilt? Thank you for your response.

ia, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/06/11

Dr. Zhang Gengjia reply Psychiatry

Hello, the issue you mentioned seems, on the surface, to be a lack of self-confidence.
However, living in this world often brings about a persistent pressure, a voice deep within that echoes feelings of inadequacy, saying, "Not enough, not enough, you haven't done enough." I hope this voice can guide you to overcome the weaknesses and downfalls of being human.
In order to respond more powerfully to this voice, one can continuously surpass oneself and make progress.
The value of being human is not measured by how much money one can earn or how famous one can become, but rather by the contributions one can make to society and the country.
A janitor is not inferior to a president.
If one is fortunate enough to engage in a noble profession, one should strive even harder.
However, to balance other ideals in life, there is a responsibility to become a better person.
Trust and doubt are not necessarily at opposite extremes; often, there is merely a dividing line between them.
A person who constantly reflects on their position and doubts themselves can transform this energy in the right direction and continue to progress.
Feelings of inferiority and the ability to transcend often lie within a single thought.
May we encourage each other in this journey.
Wishing you peace, joy, and fulfillment.

Zhang Gengjia
June 11, 2012
Clinical Research Center, Chia-Nan Psychiatric Hospital, Department of Health

Reply Date: 2012/06/11

More Info

Letting go of overthinking and embracing your true self is a multifaceted journey that requires self-awareness, acceptance, and practical strategies. From your description, it seems that you are caught in a cycle of self-doubt and external validation, which is a common struggle for many individuals. Here are some insights and strategies that may help you navigate this complex emotional landscape.

Understanding Overthinking
Overthinking often stems from a fear of failure and a desire for perfection. It can manifest as a constant loop of self-criticism and comparison to others, leading to anxiety and a lack of confidence. You mentioned feeling pressure from friends and family, which can exacerbate these feelings. It’s essential to recognize that these thoughts are not facts; they are often distorted perceptions influenced by societal expectations and personal insecurities.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance
One of the first steps in overcoming overthinking is to cultivate self-acceptance. This means acknowledging your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel anxious about exams or your career path. Instead of trying to suppress these feelings, allow yourself to experience them fully. You can practice mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on your breath or engaging in grounding exercises, to bring your awareness back to the present moment. This can help you observe your thoughts without becoming entangled in them.

Reframing Your Thoughts
You mentioned the practice of framing your thoughts with quotes, such as “I am thinking about ‘000000’.” This technique can be beneficial, but it may require consistency and patience. When you catch yourself overthinking, try to reframe your thoughts. Instead of saying, “I am not good enough,” you might say, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” This shift in perspective can help reduce the intensity of negative thoughts.

Setting Realistic Goals
It’s crucial to set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. Instead of focusing solely on passing exams or achieving a particular job title, consider what you genuinely want from your career and life. Reflect on your passions and interests, and think about how you can align your actions with these values. This may involve exploring different teaching methods, engaging with students in a way that feels authentic to you, or even taking a break to recharge.

Embracing Change and Uncertainty
You mentioned the difficulty of accepting change and the fear of not being good enough. It’s important to understand that change is a natural part of life, and it often leads to personal growth. Embrace the idea that it’s okay to evolve and change your mind about your career path. Allow yourself the freedom to explore different options without the pressure of having to conform to past decisions or expectations.

Seeking Support
Lastly, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies tailored to your unique situation and guide you in building self-esteem and resilience.

Conclusion
In summary, letting go of overthinking and embracing your true self involves a combination of self-acceptance, reframing thoughts, setting realistic goals, embracing change, and seeking support. Remember that it’s a process, and it’s okay to take small steps toward self-discovery and acceptance. Life is not just about achieving external validation; it’s about finding fulfillment and joy in your journey. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this path, and remember that you are not alone in your struggles.

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