My Son's Desire to Transition: A Parental Guide

My son wants to become a girl?

My son is 18 years old and will be entering his third year of high school after the summer break.
Since the second semester of his first year in vocational school, he has expressed a desire to identify as female, adopting behaviors typically associated with females, such as urinating while sitting, wearing female clothing, bras, and wigs, and taking selfies.
He has been watching content online and even wore a wig and shorts to the school library restroom to take selfies with a digital camera.
My son has seborrheic dermatitis and has been washing his face frequently at school, but he has not been following the rules and has received numerous warnings, including three minor infractions.
He was more compliant during the first semester of his first year, but things changed in the second semester, and I am unsure how to handle this situation.

Yú er, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/07/12

Dr. Zhang Jiafen reply Psychiatry

Hello, being a parent indeed comes with endless worries.
First, I want to acknowledge your hard work.
I can imagine that when you learned about your child's desire to transition, your feelings must have been mixed.
However, it's important to take a moment to calm yourself and face this challenge with a clearer mind.
I suggest you try to "listen without speaking," avoiding any preconceived notions, and truly hear your child's thoughts.
This will help your child feel safe to express their feelings to you.
I believe your child is also experiencing complex and painful emotions, so they are likely struggling as well.

Based on your description, your son may be facing gender identity disorder and emotional distress.
"Gender Identity Disorder" refers to a strong and persistent identification with the opposite gender, not merely for the benefits associated with that gender in a given cultural context.
Additionally, individuals may experience ongoing distress regarding their assigned gender or feel uncomfortable with their gender role.
However, due to the complex nature of gender identity disorder, it is essential to seek a professional medical evaluation to determine whether your child is experiencing gender identity disorder, gender dysphoria, or simply exploring their gender identity.
Through professional psychological assessment and counseling, you can support your child in facing and overcoming the challenges ahead.
Wishing you and your son all the best.

Reply Date: 2012/07/12

More Info

Understanding a child's desire to transition is a complex and sensitive issue that requires careful consideration, empathy, and support. As a parent, it is essential to approach this situation with an open mind and a willingness to learn about your child's feelings and experiences.
Firstly, it is important to recognize that gender identity is a deeply personal aspect of who someone is. For many individuals, especially those who identify as transgender or gender non-conforming, the journey of understanding and expressing their gender identity can be challenging. Your son’s desire to transition and express himself as a girl may stem from a genuine understanding of his identity, and it is crucial to validate his feelings.
Encouraging open communication is vital. Create a safe space where your son feels comfortable discussing his thoughts and feelings about his gender identity. Ask open-ended questions to understand his perspective better. For example, you might ask, "What does being a girl mean to you?" or "How do you feel when you express yourself in this way?" Listening without judgment can help build trust and allow him to share his experiences more freely.

It is also important to educate yourself about gender identity and the experiences of transgender individuals. Understanding the terminology and the challenges faced by those in the transgender community can help you empathize with your son’s situation. Resources such as books, documentaries, and reputable websites can provide valuable insights into the experiences of transgender individuals and the transition process.

Regarding your son’s behavior at school, it is essential to address any disciplinary issues while also considering the underlying factors contributing to his actions. It may be helpful to speak with school counselors or mental health professionals who specialize in gender identity issues. They can provide guidance on how to support your son in navigating his identity while also adhering to school rules and expectations.

Additionally, consider seeking support for yourself as a parent. Connecting with other parents of transgender children or joining support groups can provide you with valuable insights and emotional support. These communities can offer a wealth of knowledge and shared experiences that can help you navigate this journey alongside your son.

It is also crucial to address any mental health concerns your son may have, such as his seborrheic dermatitis and any behavioral issues at school. Consulting with a healthcare professional can help ensure that he receives the appropriate care and support for both his physical and emotional well-being.

Lastly, remember that your love and support are vital during this time. Transitioning can be a long and sometimes difficult process, but knowing that he has a supportive parent can make a significant difference in your son’s confidence and mental health. Encourage him to express himself authentically and reassure him that you are there for him, no matter what.

In conclusion, understanding your son’s desire to transition involves open communication, education, and support. By creating a safe environment for him to express himself and seeking guidance from professionals, you can help him navigate this journey with confidence and love. Your role as a supportive parent is crucial in helping him find his identity and thrive as an individual.

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