Managing Anger: Is It Normal to Express Dark Emotions?

How can I take care of myself?

Hello Doctor,
Is it normal to often hit things or cry and shout (in private) when feeling very angry? Recently, my family accidentally discovered my darker side, where I tend to hit things to vent and curse, which is very different from my usual self.
They seem to find me quite frightening.
What should I do? How should I normally present myself? I feel like no one believes me anymore...
It's very distressing! Thank you!

Niming, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/11/24

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, many people exhibit different facets of themselves and behave differently in various situations, and in modern so-called civilized society, this is generally accepted.
Being completely consistent in one's behavior can sometimes feel jarring, making one appear too blunt or naive.
We tend to present ourselves as self-controlled, friendly, gentle, and polite in public, while expressing our emotions privately.
There is no need to be overly critical of what one might call their "dark side"; instead, one should approach it with self-compassion and reflect on the reasons behind such behavior and when it began.
If the expression of these so-called dark emotions is not a reflection of one's original personality but rather something that emerged later, it may be due to certain stressful events or emotional disorders such as anxiety or depression.
These issues can improve and eventually dissipate over time, and one should not feel that they have permanently changed.
If one and their family are unable to cope with these feelings, seeking help from a professional can be a more effective solution.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2015/11/24

More Info

Expressing dark emotions, such as anger or frustration, is a normal part of the human experience. It's important to recognize that everyone has a range of emotions, and how we express them can vary significantly from person to person. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by anger to the point of wanting to hit things or scream, it can be a sign that you are experiencing a buildup of stress or unresolved feelings. This is particularly common in individuals who may be under significant pressure, such as during exams or stressful life events.

From a psychological perspective, expressing anger can be a healthy way to release pent-up emotions. However, the manner in which you express this anger is crucial. Hitting objects or using aggressive language can sometimes lead to negative consequences, both for yourself and for your relationships with others. It’s understandable that your family may have reacted with concern; they might not have seen this side of you before and could be worried about your well-being.

Here are some strategies to manage your anger in a healthier way:
1. Identify Triggers: Understanding what specifically triggers your anger can help you prepare for and manage your reactions. Keeping a journal of your feelings and the situations that provoke them can be beneficial.

2. Healthy Outlets: Instead of hitting objects, consider finding healthier outlets for your anger. Physical activities like running, boxing, or even going for a brisk walk can help release built-up tension. Creative outlets such as drawing, writing, or playing music can also serve as effective emotional releases.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you calm your mind and body when you start to feel angry. These techniques can help you gain better control over your emotions.

4. Communication: If you feel comfortable, talk to your family about your feelings. Explain that while you may express anger in a way that seems intense, it doesn’t define who you are. Open communication can help them understand your emotional landscape better.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you find that your anger is overwhelming or difficult to control, consider speaking with a mental health professional. They can provide you with tools and strategies tailored to your specific situation and help you work through your emotions in a constructive way.

6. Self-Compassion: It’s essential to be kind to yourself. Everyone has moments of emotional intensity, and it’s okay to feel angry. What matters is how you choose to respond to that anger. Recognizing that you are not alone in feeling this way can also be comforting.

In conclusion, while it is normal to express dark emotions, the key is to find constructive ways to manage and express those feelings. By implementing some of the strategies mentioned above, you can work towards expressing your emotions in a way that feels safe and healthy for both you and those around you. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and support when you need it, and taking steps to understand and manage your emotions is a sign of strength.

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