How to Help a Friend Struggling with Emotional Distress After a Breakup?

How should this issue be addressed?

My sister is 26 years old, and her partner is of the same sex.
Recently, they broke up, but since they work together and live together, they agreed to remain friends and continue living together after the breakup.
However, since the breakup, my sister has been crying frequently.
She even told her ex-partner that they are friends, but when they return home, she still does things like washing clothes, cooking, and tidying up, just like before.
After that, their communication at home became minimal.
My sister is even afraid that if she speaks, it might upset her ex-partner, so she continues to do those things but doesn't dare to say much.
Not long after this situation began, whenever her ex-partner is not at home, my sister would go on the computer to check what websites her ex has visited and who she has chatted with.
She would also go through receipts to see where her ex bought things and what she purchased.
Additionally, my sister hardly eats unless her ex is eating with her, and she doesn't sleep well, often saying she can't fall asleep or is afraid that if she sleeps, her ex will be gone when she wakes up.
During this time, I have been advising her and even asked if she wanted to move in with me, but she always insists that being near her ex is enough for her.
However, this morning, she exhibited some strange behavior.
Early in the morning, her ex had to go back to southern Taiwan, so she said she would walk to the train station since it was quite close to home and told my sister not to drive her.
After her ex left, my sister surprisingly followed her all the way to the train station and even bought a ticket for her.
After handing the ticket to her ex, she said she would head back home.
Once outside the train station, she kept lingering around the usual spot where she parks her scooter.
When her ex asked her what she was doing, my sister replied that the scooter should be parked there, wondering where it had been moved to.
The issue is, she hadn't ridden her scooter there at all.
Her ex pointed out that she had walked there, but my sister insisted that she had ridden it.
After a brief standoff, my sister said it was fine and walked back home.
Once she got home, she called her ex to say she had arrived.
When her ex asked about the scooter, my sister shockingly replied that she had ridden it back.
Her ex then recounted the earlier incident to my sister, who responded, "Are you crazy?" Her ex, feeling concerned, called me to discuss the situation.
After hearing about it, I immediately called my sister.
Before I could say anything, she was crying and angrily telling me what had happened, insisting that it was impossible and questioning why her ex would think she was trying to deceive her.
I cautiously suggested that perhaps she was under a lot of stress lately and might benefit from seeing a mental health professional, but she angrily dismissed it, saying she was fine and not crazy.
After that, we didn't talk much and ended the call.
About ten minutes later, she called me again, and the first thing she asked was if I was still sleeping and if I had gotten up yet.
Then she asked if I wanted to go shopping or something.
I carefully asked her what she was doing, and she replied that she was just watching TV, as if the previous phone call had never happened and those events were forgotten.
Honestly, I am really worried about her condition.
Is it okay for her not to see a doctor? I am genuinely concerned and don't know how to encourage her to seek medical help.

Xiao Fei, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2009/01/18

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

Based on your sister's situation, it is essential for her to see a doctor, as she may be experiencing depression or another condition.
To encourage her to visit a physician, it may take some time and gentle persuasion.
For instance, suggesting that talking to a doctor about her feelings could be helpful might be a good approach.
Many people struggle with unresolved emotional issues, and discussing them can often provide significant relief.
It's important not to label her condition as a disease right away, as many individuals may find that difficult to accept and may be reluctant to seek treatment.

Reply Date: 2009/01/18

More Info

Helping a friend who is struggling with emotional distress, especially after a breakup, can be a challenging yet crucial task. Your concern for your sister's well-being is commendable, and it's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Here are some strategies and insights that may help you support her during this difficult time.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of a Breakup
Breakups can trigger a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and anxiety. For someone like your sister, who is still living with her ex-partner and trying to maintain a friendship, the emotional turmoil can be even more intense. The behaviors you described—crying frequently, obsessively checking her ex's online activities, and experiencing sleep disturbances—are common reactions to emotional distress. These behaviors can indicate that she is struggling to process her feelings and may be experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression.

Encouraging Open Communication
One of the most important things you can do is to encourage open communication. Let her know that it's okay to express her feelings and that you are there to listen without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can provide immense relief. You might say something like, "I’m here for you, and it’s okay to feel upset. You don’t have to go through this alone." This can help her feel supported and understood.

Suggesting Professional Help
While you have already suggested the idea of seeking psychological counseling, it’s essential to approach this topic delicately. Many people resist the idea of therapy due to stigma or fear of being labeled as "crazy." You might frame it as a way to gain tools for coping with her feelings rather than implying that she has a mental illness. For example, you could say, "Talking to someone who can help you process everything might be really beneficial. It’s like having a coach for your emotions."
If she continues to resist the idea of therapy, you could offer to help her find a therapist or even accompany her to the first session if she feels comfortable with that. Sometimes, knowing that someone will be there for support can make a significant difference.

Encouraging Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Encourage her to engage in activities that promote well-being. This could include physical exercise, which is known to improve mood, or creative outlets like art or writing. You might suggest going for walks together or trying a new hobby that she might enjoy. Additionally, encourage her to maintain a routine, as structure can provide a sense of stability during chaotic emotional times.

Monitoring for Signs of Serious Distress
Given the behaviors you've described, such as her obsessive checking of her ex's activities and her altered perception of reality (e.g., insisting she rode her motorcycle when she did not), it’s crucial to monitor her mental state closely. If her behavior escalates or if she expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it is vital to seek immediate professional help. In such cases, you can contact a mental health professional or a crisis hotline for guidance on how to proceed.

Setting Boundaries for Yourself
While it’s important to support your sister, it’s equally important to take care of your own mental health. Supporting someone in distress can be emotionally draining, so make sure to set boundaries. Allow yourself time to recharge and seek support from others if needed. You might find it helpful to talk to a friend or a counselor about your feelings regarding your sister's situation.

Conclusion
In summary, helping your sister through her emotional distress after a breakup requires a combination of empathy, open communication, encouragement of professional help, and self-care. By being there for her and gently guiding her towards healthier coping mechanisms and professional support, you can play a significant role in her healing process. Remember, it’s essential to approach the situation with patience and understanding, as recovery from emotional distress can take time.

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