Transforming Thoughts: Overcoming Self-Doubt in Communication

Changing thoughts changes perspectives?

Many people say that changing your thoughts can change your beliefs.
I understand what this means, but I just can't change myself...
I am someone who struggles to express myself, which makes me feel somewhat insecure about speaking.
I read in books and hear from many people that I need to change my beliefs, so when I see others, I keep telling myself in my mind: "You are a great speaker, you are wonderful." However, when I actually encounter people, there is a feeling of inferiority that resists this affirmation, causing me to withdraw even more...
Afterwards, I wonder why this happens and realize that although I have this thought and know that it is the right way to think, when the same situation occurs, there is a feeling of resistance inside me.
That feeling is what we call a belief! Even though I know the thought is correct, my belief recognizes that my problem is unresolved.
So even if my mind thinks I am a good speaker, the reality is that I still struggle to speak, which creates a conflict with my thoughts and leads to feelings of retreat.
This is where my problem lies; this conflict causes me a lot of pain.
I know the reason, but I don't know what to do.
Can a doctor help me? How can I change my beliefs?

Jiaxin, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/04/21

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, you may want to reflect on the many memorable events in your past life and compare your feelings about those events before and after.
Have you ever found yourself underestimating your abilities? Moving forward, it is important to firmly acknowledge your strengths and capabilities, rather than overlooking them as you may have in the past.
With gradual practice, you will notice some changes.
Additionally, some individuals may fear interacting with others, worrying about making mistakes or being ridiculed.
I suggest that you focus on helping others and speaking positively about them, which can bring joy to those we encounter.
Over time, this will change your perception of others.
Even when faced with unfriendly individuals, you will find it easier to remain calm and unafraid.
This method is proven to be effective, but it does require some time.
Each of us has strengths and weaknesses; however, we often have blind spots in our self-awareness.
Therefore, our self-evaluation of these strengths and weaknesses may not align with reality.
To quote a popular saying, some people may be oblivious to their own issues, leading us to say they are "feeling good about themselves." It is evident that objectively understanding ourselves and sincerely acknowledging both our strengths and weaknesses is quite challenging.
However, if the discrepancy between self-evaluation and reality is not limited to one or two aspects but is prevalent across nearly all areas of self-perception, it may be worth considering whether emotions are influencing our self-view or if there are unique personality traits compared to the general population.
For example, individuals with depression often lack confidence in their self-assessment, even regarding tasks they excel at.
They may feel uncertain about their abilities beforehand or believe that their accomplishments are not worthy of praise and encouragement.
I hope you find this perspective helpful.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/04/21

More Info

Transforming thoughts and overcoming self-doubt in communication is a complex process that involves understanding the interplay between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s commendable that you recognize the importance of changing your mindset, but it’s also crucial to acknowledge that this transformation takes time and effort. Here’s a comprehensive approach to help you navigate through your challenges.

Understanding the Cycle of Self-Doubt
Self-doubt often stems from negative beliefs about oneself, which can be reinforced by past experiences, social interactions, and internal dialogues. When you encounter situations that require communication, your mind may automatically revert to these negative beliefs, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. This cycle can create a barrier to effective communication, making it difficult to express yourself confidently.

Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
One effective method to combat self-doubt is through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques. CBT focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Identify Negative Thoughts: Start by keeping a journal of your thoughts when you feel anxious about communicating. Write down the specific thoughts that arise, such as “I’m not good at speaking” or “People will judge me.”
2. Challenge These Thoughts: Once you have identified these negative thoughts, question their validity. Ask yourself:
- What evidence do I have that supports this thought?
- What evidence contradicts it?
- How would I advise a friend who had this thought?
3. Reframe Your Thoughts: After challenging your negative beliefs, work on reframing them into more positive and realistic statements. For example, instead of saying, “I’m terrible at speaking,” you might say, “I have the ability to improve my speaking skills with practice.”

Gradual Exposure
Another effective strategy is gradual exposure to social situations. Start small and gradually increase the complexity of your interactions:
1. Practice in Low-Stakes Environments: Begin by engaging in conversations with close friends or family members where you feel safe. This can help build your confidence.

2. Set Small Goals: Set achievable communication goals, such as initiating a conversation with a colleague or asking a question in a group setting. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small.

3. Reflect on Your Experiences: After each interaction, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what you could improve. This reflection can help reinforce positive experiences and reduce anxiety over time.

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Incorporating mindfulness practices can also be beneficial. Mindfulness encourages you to stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment. This can help reduce anxiety and self-doubt. Additionally, practicing self-compassion can help you treat yourself with kindness when you experience setbacks. Remind yourself that everyone struggles with communication at times, and it’s okay to make mistakes.

Seeking Professional Help
If you find that self-doubt significantly impacts your daily life and communication, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. A therapist can provide personalized strategies and support to help you work through your challenges.

Conclusion
Transforming your thoughts and overcoming self-doubt in communication is a journey that requires patience and practice. By identifying negative thought patterns, challenging them, gradually exposing yourself to social situations, and practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, you can begin to change your internal dialogue and improve your confidence in communication. Remember, change takes time, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself throughout this process.

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